tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post8361425009953567517..comments2024-02-01T17:19:36.475-05:00Comments on My heart goes out...: for Straight wives of gay men: I'm listeningCarolhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14545146592743875490noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-82417773823821147972016-08-22T23:41:02.653-04:002016-08-22T23:41:02.653-04:00Gross. My boyfriend too. The way he acts like noth...Gross. My boyfriend too. The way he acts like nothing's going on and nobody out of his friends or family know about his double life. And I'm respectful enough to not tell them but it's annoying to see him get away with it. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-47342698281297305462016-08-22T23:36:47.702-04:002016-08-22T23:36:47.702-04:00Thank you for hosting this site. My boyfriend was ...Thank you for hosting this site. My boyfriend was my best friend and I thought would be my life partner until I saw on his phone he set up a meeting for sex with a transgender man a year ago It's been a slow road to understanding he's truly gay.. or honestly I don't know what since he won't talk to me about it. I let it go the first time because I thought it was like an experiment for him and he lied about whether it even happened or not. I tried to forget about it but I just saw a gay hookup app on his phone today. It's so weird. I know he loves me but I guess he's also gay? He acts like I'm doing something wrong and gets mad when I confront him and then threatens to walk out on me. I just wanted him to admit it and just talk to me about it but he WON'T. And of all of this, the thing that hurts me the most is that he continues to lie to me about it. We can never be friends or have anything if he just denies everything. I don't see why it's more important to him to lie then even keep me in his life. I can't even try to work things out if I don't know what the situation is. Is he bi? I don't know. So it's useless. I don't understand why someone would live this way, why not just be honest? It's very sad. I will move on, and I hope I won't have trust issues forever, I honestly just love him and I want to support him, if he's gay, ok, I won't judge him and I told him but I can't work with lack of information. He can't face the reality of who he is and what he's doing. I feel sad for him and I want him to be ok. I worry about him and I hope he doesn't get AIDS because he already tested positive for clymidia and he didn't get it from me (thank god I didn't get it from him either but we both had to take antibiotics anyway). Well thanks again for hosting this site. It's a crazy thing to find out your love is into the other sex after so many years. I threw him out of my place tonight and all of that could have been avoided if he just came clean. It's just making me sick already. Also I know how "embarrassing" it is when you first find something like this out, but what I found was 100% support from everyone I told, even to my surprise. Everyone was understanding and sympathetic to me and wanted to make sure I didn't blame myself in any way. So I understand that "embarrassment" thing, but don't let it stop you from seeking comfort and support from others.. My two cents to some of the other women writing in about their experiences. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-78734976407080458752016-05-31T03:55:20.177-04:002016-05-31T03:55:20.177-04:00Your gracious act of sharing your thoughts is appr...Your gracious act of sharing your thoughts is appreciated and offers reassurance to those in need. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12858751983051229886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-38723828183910178942016-04-18T07:08:19.255-04:002016-04-18T07:08:19.255-04:00You have experienced what no one should have to go...You have experienced what no one should have to go through: deception in a marriage. Thank you for sharing it here with us who've experienced it, the straight spouses. I'm glad you've come through it and are stronger, at least it appears that way. The time can't be returned to you, but your self-worth can. I hope you are healing from such painful years. Thanks for commenting. Carolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14545146592743875490noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-15925344550820296412016-04-18T01:41:20.885-04:002016-04-18T01:41:20.885-04:00My biggest challenge was finding out what I often ...My biggest challenge was finding out what I often suspected was true, not just because it hurt so much but because the lies and the deception and the manipulation were so very wrong. There is right and there is wrong and theft is theft. Stealing my time is wrong, breaking my heart is wrong, telling me I just didn't understand so much.....and telling my loved ones that I was losing my mind, and that I had all these other issues was so damaging and hurtful. It was emotionally a criminal act from a narcissistic person, not just a confused man worried about his relationship with his children. It was about power and control and not about love at all. Just because someone is gay and cannot own their sexuality for any number of reasons....that person has no right to inflict emotional pain and emotional trauma on another human being. NO EXCUSE!! My marriage lasted for over 20 years but it was over after four. Being involved with a gay spouse can be very cruel and emotionally traumatic. I have spent the past 5 years learning how to recover. Understand? NO EXCUSE!! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-2523699604710342012015-01-31T09:35:07.330-05:002015-01-31T09:35:07.330-05:00Hi Carol, I was with my 'in denial gay' pa...Hi Carol, I was with my 'in denial gay' partner for 8 years. Like everyone else, I had suspicions and then eventually found proof. I walked away one month ago because I couldn't put up with the broken promises, lies and double life my ex was leading. He later admitted in having encounters with men before he met me. This guy had no right in pursuing me and dragging me through years of lying and being decietful. He would always say he does not do (have sex with men) it anymore and that he loves me and I use to be naive and give him another chance. He never ever apologised for what he put me through and just carries on like he's straight in front of his family and friend. The sites I caught my partner on where guys were just out for sex was very explicit and disgusting. How can these guys that hide their sexuality hide behind fake profiles, have sex with men and then come back to their relationships and not even blink an eyelid! That's just callous and malicious. <br />Thank for everyone's comments and experiences. Its helping me a lot.<br /><br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-42876570780266263142014-03-21T10:13:23.457-04:002014-03-21T10:13:23.457-04:00Hi Carol...my husband of 20 years has finally admi...Hi Carol...my husband of 20 years has finally admitted after me confronting him that he is bi sexual. The emotional pain I am I right now cannot be described. I don't know what to say or do. I am so angry and hurt!!Suenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-27078844734351260032014-03-21T09:40:41.248-04:002014-03-21T09:40:41.248-04:00Hello Carol. I have just found our that my husban...Hello Carol. I have just found our that my husband of twenty years is bi sexual. He didn't actually volunteer the information. It's only because I had my suspicions and did some looking and found him on the internet on gay sites. I found his profile and pictures which he had posted and quite honestly it felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I confronted him with it and he admitted he is bi sexual. He says he doesn't want us to break up or divorce, he wants us to stay together but for me to understand that he will have sex with random men once a week. I feel disgusted, hurt, betrayed and so so angry. My whole life has been turned upside down. It seems like I am the one that has to make all the compromises when I have done nothing wrong. How can he say he loves me when he has lied and cheated on me for soo long. I feel like I am going mad. Am in so much emotional turmoil and don't even know where to start as to what I do.Suenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-29866186400632795292013-08-03T08:56:03.267-04:002013-08-03T08:56:03.267-04:00I'm sitting here at 6am looking through the in...I'm sitting here at 6am looking through the internet for somethng to ease the pain of a broken heart. <br /><br />I found conversations on my husbands computer that told me he was gay. I confronted him and he didn't deny his actions. he finally had the courage to tell me he has been watching gay pornography since he was in high school. After questions and open communication, he told me he has had a few casual encounters with other men while we were dating and now that we are married.i had NO idea. <br /><br />He wants to say married and I love him so much. He is my best friend and I want to be there for him for support. As an educated person I understand addiction and I am continuously trying to understand the nature of being gay. I want to work it out but I will not tolerate infidelity and I will not 'meet his needs' by allowing anymore casual encounters with other men. I gave him time to decide what he wants. He chose our marriage. <br /><br />Am I stupid/naive to think we can stay together? To hope he will stay faithful? He has expressed his desire to live a more 'chaste' life without the secrecy and pornography. He chose me and my son.<br /><br /> We have.been married 2 years (dated for 3) and I am 26. Part of me tells me I can't dEal with this for the rest of our lives. Part of me is hopeful we can make this work. Part of me is scared that if I end it, he will continue to choose a heterosexual life and find a new spouse. This makes me look a little desperate but its not. I know there are more fish in the sea and I know we will struggle. I also know he is my partner, my lover, my supporter, my best friend, and my eternal companion. I have to try.<br /><br />I'm here to see if there are any happy stories? That end in staying together, being faithful to each other, forgiving, and moving on? <br /><br />I want to be the one in a million couple. Then again, I just keep getting hit in the face with challenges in my life. <br /><br />-A hopeful loving wife................<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-43222708145062684182013-07-12T03:00:15.537-04:002013-07-12T03:00:15.537-04:00Hello Carol,
I had suspicions that my live-in boy...Hello Carol,<br /><br />I had suspicions that my live-in boyfriend had been meeting with men for sex. Last week I found proof and confronted him with it. Finally he admitted it to me. He has been meeting with anonymous men from Craigslist postings and other sites since before we lived together, which is seven years ago. <br /><br />My emotions are rocketing between hurt, shock, betrayal, anger, understanding, love, and the desire to just run away from all of it. <br /><br />I am a mental health professional, but that does not help much when it is happening to you. <br /><br />He says that he is not gay. I believe this because he clearly is attracted to women. But I suspect he may be bisexual. He continues to deny this. He claims that when he gets depressed, being with a man is so humiliating to him that it helps him get out of the depression.<br /><br />We are going to get couples counseling starting week. I have told him that I cannot promise I will stay in this relationship. I love him very much and I understand how difficult it is in our society for gay or bi needs to be met for a man. But I still expect him to be faithful to me.<br /><br />He wants to get married, but that is not going to happen until I see some changes and feel comfortable that I know what I am getting into. Maybe never.<br /><br />Just shell shocked by all of this.<br /><br />Thank you for this site. It has been really helpful to read other's stories and your feedback Carol.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-78669547864090108762013-04-05T13:21:37.243-04:002013-04-05T13:21:37.243-04:00Hi sister,
I'm so sorry that you are in this ...Hi sister, <br />I'm so sorry that you are in this position, and I'm glad that you are seeking help. I recommend "Straight Spouse Network," and their link is on the side of my blog, first page. Here is the link: http://www.straightspouse.org/blog/?p=1134<br />I hope it will be help for you, and for a good outcome in the long run. <br /><br />There is also a yahoo group especially for those in mixed-orientation marriages. It's called "Alternate path" in yahoo groups, but I don't have a link. It requires that you write to them and be accepted. There are ways to work things out if both of you are willing. <br /><br />I know you are probably hurting, and I feel for you. Let me know how it comes along. <br /><br />Love to you, <br />Carol<br />Carolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14545146592743875490noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-2196895214881939822013-04-04T15:12:03.530-04:002013-04-04T15:12:03.530-04:00My husband of 10 years has now revealed to me that...My husband of 10 years has now revealed to me that he is bisexual. He says he still likes women but he is really wanting men right now. We are Christians and are staying together at this point. Meeting his needs within our marriage as best we can. Do you know of any resources to help us stay together? We live in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-88697575450424284172013-02-20T18:08:30.827-05:002013-02-20T18:08:30.827-05:00I want to thank you all for sharing your stories. ...I want to thank you all for sharing your stories. I am a gay man who was married to a woman. What I have done to her kills me. I want to understand the gravity of what she's dealt with; I just went through all of your comments and wrote down all of the things you each felt during your journeys (devastated, alone, guilty, betrayed, etc. etc.) - I hope that someday, in some small way, I can make things right with a woman who I genuinely did love, but deceived. I should not have dragged her into my mess, but at a young age, when society tells you it's the only right thing to do, you try to have a go at it, hoping the desires will just fade away. How wrong I was - I wish so badly I could do things over and spare her from the hurt and pain. Thank you for telling your stories. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-60399609123802441792013-02-12T19:16:34.685-05:002013-02-12T19:16:34.685-05:00Hello (anonymous 4:14) - I'm not sure why you ...Hello (anonymous 4:14) - I'm not sure why you are getting the error message. I get all comments via my e-mail, where I can approve or delete them. I haven't received any other of your messages. (Give yourself a number, like the time of day, so I can refer to you if they arrive in my e-mail.)Carolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14545146592743875490noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-2355013311811628062013-02-12T16:14:08.338-05:002013-02-12T16:14:08.338-05:00Hi Carol,
I can't seem to leave my story here...Hi Carol,<br /><br />I can't seem to leave my story here. I keep getting error message involving HTMLAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-21963295547534434362013-01-06T02:59:13.916-05:002013-01-06T02:59:13.916-05:00I went to a similar experience. i just found out m...I went to a similar experience. i just found out my boyfriend is gay. The same story, I had no idea, we've been friends for ages, he had multiple beautiful girlfriends before we became a couple. A year into the relationship I did sense something is wrong until I found out that he's been meeting up, hooking p and texting random guys. Lisa, you're story struck me the most because like you, every guy I see now seems a closet gay. i'm too afraid to even leave the house. Because everytime I see some guy with the same discreet gay profile like my ex, i get this crushing feeling inside my chest. I feel these gay men stole the love of my life from me. I'm in a terrible shape that I comsidered ending my life just to escape the pain. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-3192698456603206942013-01-04T07:29:48.426-05:002013-01-04T07:29:48.426-05:00Hi. I know this is about husbands who are gay, but...Hi. I know this is about husbands who are gay, but I'm desperate. i found out my boyfriend is gay. I'm 35, he is too. We've known each other for years, we're best friends, both ur families are close. When both of us became single, we decided to be together much to the delight of all our families and friends. He was amazing, the whole surprise "just because" flowers and daily "I love you's". But We never had sex and at first I wasnt that concered because we decided to wait after marriage. But a year into our new relationship things went awry. The constant lies of where he was, who he was with. At first I thought it was a woman because he's been known to play around during his younger years (lots of beautiful women). Until I found out he has been chatting with random guys on the internet, texting, and even hooked up with some. (Phone texts and phone pics). I was devastated but honestly that time I felt more sad and emphatic towards him coz that may explain why he had bouts of depression and anger which I cant figure out why.<br /><br />I told him it's ok (him being gay) I just wished he told me sooner, because I already fallen deeply in love with him. And I want to have a family with him. Actually what hurts the most is him cheating on me with another person, whether it is a girl or a guy. But I also know it's very hard for gays to come out the first time, he's still in denial, he can't accept it that he's gay. It's like he's living a double life, and being gay is just a sex fetish. He said he doesnt have any emotional connection with a guy, unlike with a girl, with me. He thought he could change and become attracted to girls again. But He gets turned on by very sexy girls which makes me think he might be bisexual. And here's where my problem lies, he said he loves me and he can't imagine his life without me. He wants to grow old with me, but he's not attracted to girls anymore when it comes to sex. But then again, he is turned on by very sexy celebrities, so of course it's a major blow to my self esteem. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not (that) stupid, I know this is a dead end relationship either way, because even if he is bisexual, and I'm a size zero with double D cups, there's still no excuse for him lying and cheating on me with another person. It's just, may be he thinks he's not really cheating because it's not with another girl. <br /><br />I'm devastated that a person I loved for a long time could not have a normal relationship with me. Coz I do know the options, whether this will be an open relationship because he has to take care of his 'needs' with another man or he has to curb his appetite altogether which I know would make him miserable too. Do you think this is really possible or I'm just setting myself up for a major heartache? i wouldnt be this desperate if I didnt love him so much. i have other suitors, but I'm really in love with him, even if he hurt me. I want to be there for him and not abandon him because I know that's the common fear of those who are in the closet, to be shunned away, not accepted by their loved ones, their families. i dont want to do that to him. But in the process, I'm losing myself, It hurts that I could not give him what he 'needs' coz I'm the wrong gender.( I'm describing this the way I see it so you have an Idea where I'm coming from) Do you have any advice for me? I'm a very level headed person so you can give it to me straight without worrying about hurting my feelings. As far as i Know I'm the only one who knows. He's further up in the corporate world so i understand it'll be a risk for him to go that "the truth will set you free" route. I'm losing sleep, can't eat much, hit rock bottom specially with the cheating part and his difficulties of realizing he's gay. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08423604360485399110noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-52313166950027589782012-12-08T07:41:55.813-05:002012-12-08T07:41:55.813-05:00Dear Carol
I have been reading non-stop since last...Dear Carol<br />I have been reading non-stop since last night everything i could get hold of concerning being married to a closet gay husband. he isaway for the weekend and i had to send an email concerning work to a client from his computor. I went into history and found numerous visits to gay porn site as well as him having gay men on his facebook-but under a security setting that was enabled only from that computor!<br /><br />Married for 31 years with three wonderful,now adut children-i am devastated-had diarrea and sleepless night. <br /><br />He returns tomorrow evening. I am so grateful for thr advice on your blog as well as some others-i will have to plan one step at a time.<br /><br />Because of tolerance and love towards gays i accepted him and his gay friends when i was a naive young girl of 23. I knew he had a past with gay men but thought it will disssapear seeing we a solemates and seemingly happy newly weds.<br /><br />spot on as you have described here often that i was blamed for an unfulfilling sex life. I never watched porn and was a virgin when i met him- i was super straight as<br /> can be. I suspected him being a closet gay right through the 31 years but being conronted with the depraved images i am in reality mode,angry, panicky, my mind swirling with all the tell tale signs that makes sense to me now. He recently joined a spinning gym class and comes home totally in an euphoric state. He talks about the class and some of the young men he has met there. One has invited him to cycling outings, braais etc. Innocent?<br /><br />Hy grooms himself for hours, shaves his legs and chest(because that is what `cyclists`do) he tans, he dresses extremely fashionable, listens to pop music full blast in his car-BUT he plays guitar in church-is forever counselling someone. I have not seen him so happy-he can be sullen and depressed and cynical.<br /><br />After reading about the signs and him ticking every box-i am convinced he is gay and presently getting loving attention from someone.<br /><br />I m just letting off steem. It sounds like an extremely difficult road ahead. All I know is that all the grooming and hairless legs and mannerisms me outfreak and I have no sexual desires towards him-even if the abs are toned and he is in tip top shape. He forever works on the abs and calves and forever comments about bosy shapes of men and women. I cannot grow old with someone i know tolerates me-had enough.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-45688010895334953542012-11-21T08:38:23.148-05:002012-11-21T08:38:23.148-05:00Dear Anonymous, 11/18...
You dear girl, I don'...Dear Anonymous, 11/18...<br />You dear girl, I don't even know where to start. You are going to have to decide, for YOU, what is best to do. And knowing that you love your husband, and that he says he loves you, will both help and hurt. There's no going back to not knowing how he feels, and even that is so painful. Goodness knows I can't begin to know what you should do, as that is up to the both of you. <br /><br />Remembering back to when I had just found out that Ray is gay, there were certain parts of the whole thing that I just couldn't think about (like gay sex). I didn't think about it, and I just tried to think about how someone would feel emotionally, if they had never let themselves feel "for real." A friend of mine, Peterson Toscano, explained it by his father's words, "You can't make a fish fly." By that he meant, that if someone is gay, they can't change to being straight - something that they are not. I hope you get the analogy, because it helped me understand that if a guy really wants to be with other guys, then they are gay. Period. <br /><br />I will be thinking of you today, and I hope you will have some peace.Carolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14545146592743875490noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-82945076715003357572012-11-18T20:28:29.091-05:002012-11-18T20:28:29.091-05:00Ok, I just found out from my husbands mouth that h...Ok, I just found out from my husbands mouth that he only has been fantasizing that he wants it to be done to him, and it is real bad. He is just now confessing her knows it is wrong but doesn't know what to do with the desire because he doesn't want to give it up and every time we r together he is thinking of it being done to him. He said he believed it is right if we keep it within our marriage as long as he doesn't do it with anyone else, not exceptable with me as it is defileling our marriage bed!!! Big time, he loves me and says he always will and doesn't blame me if I leave him. I love him too and I always will but feel we cant have a Godly intimate relationship with this in the way. I asked him if he would pray to God for him to take the desire away from him and he didn't say anything so...I don't know what to do at this point, my daughter knows and she thinks I should leave him. He says for me to pray for him and I have been, I have been knowing about this for a long time but it started out him wanting to do it to me, and that is not going to happen. I am without a doubt confused as to what to do.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-18601080581601374592012-10-22T18:33:50.898-04:002012-10-22T18:33:50.898-04:00My sister has always had sexual issues. Growing up...My sister has always had sexual issues. Growing up she would spread false HIV positive rumors about other girls who "pissed her off" or who she viewed as "slutty". I never agreed with this behavior and always found it odd on her part. She met her husband when they were in college and they got married about 7 years later. He is a blatant homosexual --- everyone knows except for her and our parents who are all in denial. I always felt she was attracted to him because they didn't really have a sexual relationship that she could view as "slutty". Two months ago she became very sick and found out her husband was cheating with other men and gave her HIV. I believe karma got my sister from all her bullying and false HIV rumors growing up but ALL STRAIGHT SPOUSES OF GAY MEN NEED TO BE TESTED AND PROTECT THEMSELVES.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-86154694154091527142012-10-22T05:48:03.201-04:002012-10-22T05:48:03.201-04:00I am the partner of a gay man with an ex-wife who ...I am the partner of a gay man with an ex-wife who divorced from him after more than 20 years of marriage, when she remarried. She has a `good` life (at least on the outside) and just recently found out that her ex is gay. He came out to his grown-up sons who are very supportive, she has a new partner but is bitter at the thought of her ex having me as a partner and refuses to accept me. Mind you, he`s been alone since they divorced, paid everything she wanted him to pay, he`s broke now, and gave up on relationships altogether until we met. Reason for him to come out close to the age of 60. But, what kind of selfish ex is that? Myself, I`m not a practicing Christian but he and many of his older family members are. What strikes me is how straight partners with their closeted (ex) partners seem to forget where a great deal of this pain comes from: the pressure to fit in, lack of self esteem and the fear of asking questions because there is a taboo in society on homosexuality. How many straight partners had thoughts but stayed in their own closet out of fear? Imagine if we could freely ask if your partner ever had fantasies about the same sex, without the idea of `sin`, but then also the peers, and last but not least many churches that condemn same-sex relationships. They have caused so much pain, but I hear very little criticism here even though nearly everyone has suffered because of that...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-26569360441842497642012-09-11T14:31:12.515-04:002012-09-11T14:31:12.515-04:00After suspecting mine of being gay for about 6 yrs...After suspecting mine of being gay for about 6 yrs and living an absolute devastating nightmare with him convincing me I was crazy he has finally opened up some but still unable to say, "Yes, im gay" Having been raised christian and raising our three children christian it seems to make it even more unbearable since christians tend to believe the judgement of God has hit us if they were to find out. Im so mixed up. Im hot then cold. Angry then weepy. For sure I've lost my laughter. I've spent 21 years raising a family with no education. Now im having to wake up and realize I may lose everything. My husband. Our home. Health Ins. Our 22 yr marriage. I don't know where to even begin picking up pieces. I have started counselimg. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-9584368495134104262012-08-24T09:12:57.179-04:002012-08-24T09:12:57.179-04:00Dear Anonymous 8/23,
Hi. I'm thinking, &quo...Dear Anonymous 8/23, <br /><br />Hi. I'm thinking, "this young girl (young to me) is my daughter's age." And if you were my daughter, what would I say?<br /><br />Where do I start? What to address first? And, also, I'm not a counselor, but just another woman who is so, so sorry that you are in this situation. <br /><br />First, you have every right to assume that this partner of yours is gay. 1) evidence (that you found previously) 2) no affection 3) his own words expressed to his friend. Granted, you "snooped" to find this, but maybe it's good that you found it. <br /><br />Now, what do you do? Since you are not legally married, you don't need money to divorce him. And you also don't have any legal rights to any property. If it were me, I would definitely not marry him. You have found out too much, and you can only expect more heartache. <br /><br />The possibility that he's been with other lovers is high, and since you have also been with him, you should get tested for STDs. There are clinics that you can get this done with confidentiality. (All medical providers are supposed to be confidential.) Get this done immediately.<br /><br />Try to find someone to talk to. A trusted counselor (Community Mental Health providers are free, if you need $ help.) A friend or close, trusted relative can be just the help you need to talk, but you will also need a professional to guide you with what decisions you need to make. <br /><br />As hard as this is, you can make it. Take a breath, and be assured that you have done nothing to cause this. This is NOT your fault. No matter what he says, it is NOT! <br /><br />I have so many questions, and wonder how you and other girls/women can make life better after we go through this trauma. As someone who has also changed EVERYTHING about my life, I know you can as well. And it can be a good life, too! Don't fear, and love yourself and those little children. I hope that your family can support you in every way until you land on your feet again. Until I hear from you again, I'll be thinking of you. (And you can send private messages to my e-mail. ) <br /><br />hugs, and hope for things to be better, <br />CarolCarolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14545146592743875490noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6023809369245556096.post-80772193421382741902012-08-23T23:06:07.486-04:002012-08-23T23:06:07.486-04:00Hi Carol,
I am 38 years old and the mother of a 5 ...Hi Carol,<br />I am 38 years old and the mother of a 5 and 6 year old little ones. I have been engaged for about 6 years noe, which has had a lot of ups and downs. I has suspicions that he was gay when I found his email account with gay sites on them, I confronted him then and he said that when he was a " dancer " the people he would dance for and with thought he was gay but he just let them think wht they wanted ans he danced for men because there was more money than dancing for women. Being naive I believed him and was already pregnant with our second baby. Now in the past 2 weeks we had decided to make it official and get married, we brought my engagement ring to be fitted and attached tommy wedding band, supposed to puck it up tommorow and as of yesterday his iPad was unlocked so I peeked at his Facebook and went to messages where I read a conversation he had with a former colleague( about a year ago )who is gay as I realized while reading and i read not nice things he said about me and marriage ( everyone thinks we have been married as this is how we relate to each other)to this person and how he loves his kids and it makes it complicated, how he told me to leave and I didn't several years ago during a bad time we were having. but I wanted to make our family work. He said in this conversation that he doesn't like confrontation, etc, how it has been 3 years since he has had "it". I am so confused as I don't know where to go from here, do I confront him again, do I leave. I truly love him, and he is such a great father , just not the best partner. He is not affectionate, never says I love you only responds with me too, when I say it to him, I always have to ask for sex ( which has always been great) and settle for a few times a month with most advances from me being turned down, in the past 2 years our relationship i have thought has been So much better, i feel so dumb for staying and giving up so much of myself for this relationship to succeed, as he Is about himself, i just want him to admit it to me, but with him he will probally turn the table on me and make me the bad one. Please give me some guidance.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com