Grandma's cross-stitch: Be happy and gay

I don't have many "things" that belonged to my Grandma "Riney".  Her real name was Carrie Rinehart, and for as long as I remember, she was confined to a wheel chair because of strokes.  She lived with us (Mom and Dad, my older brother, Lee, and I) when I was about 3 or 4.  When Mom became pregnant with one of the younger kids, Grandma Riney went back to stay with my Aunt Evelyn, and she passed away the summer before I started kindergarten. 

I remember how Grandma wore her long, white hair.  It went in some kind of roll from one temple, around the back to the other temple - kind of where a crown would sit.  I rarely saw her hair down, and when I did I though it was strange and that she looked a little scarey - and Grandma was NEVER scarey.  I just liked it better when it was "up" and fixed.  

Grandma, since she was in that wooden, cane-bottom wheelchair, played with me a lot.  We'd pretend that we heard a kitten or a hurt puppy, and then go "find" the little animal.  I'd tuck it into her woolen shawl, pet it, and then push Grandma's chair around the house, looking for another one. 

Grandma was also really good at telling stories.  She told me how the Big Dipper got into the sky, and a story of pioneer children, Jim and Joe, who hid from the Indians while their parents went to town for supplies.  I was entranced by her stories, and my Mom went on to tell the same stories long after Grandma was gone.  I loved imagining those little boys, and one was "crippled" and had to be pulled in a wagon - which the older boy did willingly, and saved the boys' lives until the parents returned from a very long trip to town! 

Years later I realized that Grandma's boys were really named "Jim and Joe," and that Joe had died years earlier of diptheria when he was only about 7.  After his death, Grandma, not yet 40, had a stroke and had to teach herself to walk again - without help from therapists (it was before 1919).  I know that year because after Grandma lost her son, and endured an alcoholic husband, she gave birth in her 40s to little Mildred (or Millie) who was later to become my mom.  

Later in life, some time after Mom and Dad married, Grandma suffered a stroke again - and there may have been multiple ones - and this time it permanently left her unable to walk or move her right side.  Still, she kept herself busy, and I often watched as she cross-stitched with her crippled right hand, and her clumsy left one.  She used a hoop, and made many pillowcases, dresser runners and wall hangings.  I loved watching how she pulled the thread through the cream-colored material - and it wasn't counted cross-stitch that is popular now, but rather pre-printed flowers, birds and current sayings. 

I treasure two of Grandma's samplers, and one has been hanging in my home continually for many years.  It says, "God bless our home."  It's framed in the original frame from years ago. 

The second one was re-set in a more modern frame by my mom, and she probably did it for me when one of my babies were born.  I hung it in our bedroom for years, until at some point the words didn't seem to be "current."  Today I was going through some boxes in my storage barn, and I pulled it out!  I was so glad to find it, given the feelings I have for my friends and loved ones who happen to be gay -

Now you may wonder how in the world this relates to this blog, and why I felt like writing about it today...

And on the back, in Mom's writing, was this message: 












I'm getting ready to do a new mat and frame for my grandma's cross-stitch sampler.  I'll use Mom's handwritten caption, along with the old saying.  I think it will be beautiful.

It was in 2001 that Mom died and that was just three (plus) years before Ray came out, and I've wondered how she would have accepted him after his disclosure.  She adored Ray as my husband, and loved his music, and I have writings that she left saying, "I want to show God's love to everyone..."  And with those characteristics, I really can imagine that she'd have seen through the church garbage of rejection, and she'd have known he did his best for his whole life, and she'd let Ray know, even today, that she loves him no matter what.

As for my Grandma Riney, I didn't know her faith or her feelings, except that she loved ME.  While in the 1950s it was before the current term meant what it does to us today, I like to imagine that she was saying to Ray through her stitches, "Be happy and gay." 

Anne Rice and faith in Jesus Christ

A while ago I became a "fan" of Anne Rice on facebook.  Around that time I found that she was expressing thoughts, as well as questions, about faith in Jesus and how to reconcile ideas held by Christian churches and what she felt about these ideas.  On Wednesday (July 28), just in case you haven't yet read it elsewhere, she said this on facebook: 

Anne Rice As I said below, I quit being a Christian. I'm out. In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of ...Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen.

There have been several of her posts that resonate with how I feel, but I cannot stop being a Christian.  In ways that she supports feminism, gay rights, and all the others in her list, I understand. 

In the last few years, I have found it hard to continue being a church-goer, when I know that others around me don't share my views.  I find it difficult to remain silent as I hear others bash Obama-voters, health-care for all, and who think all women should submit to all men. 

As far as where I identify with faith in Christ, I certainly believe that God has had an order in my life, the full scope of which I never expected.  I don't know what else will be unveiled, yet I believe that there has to be a plan, or like I said, an order, to all that I've lived.  I believe that Jesus died, rose again, and showed us immeasurable love through his sacrifice.  I want to share in that life of love, and I choose to be a follower of Christ. 

Anne Rice is a thoughtful writer, a talented individual, and I respect her statement to stand with Christ, while not standing with Christians.  I believe that she's a leader in this, and I know many who identify with her.  I know I do. 

Know-it-alls: narcisstic, ill-informed

In general, I have to practice listening.

When someone has a story or fact to share, I make it a point to hear them, and I have learned to be quiet and think before I blab on about what I want to say.  That being said, I also have my opinions about many things, and I enjoy discussing similar interests with other people.  I'm not shy, and I am glad, when asked, to speak up.  Those who know me in the "real world" know that I'm a talker.   The thing I don't like is when someone talks over me - without regard for conversation.  I call that person a blabbermouth, or a know-it-all, both are somethings that I don't want to be.

Thanks to google, and to it being such a fantastic resource, I also discovered whole articles about "how to know if you are a know-it-all", "Ways to communicate with a know-it-all" and, fortunately, "How to deal with a know-it-all."

Now if you take your basic know-it-all, and realize that he or she is basically a narcissistic asshole, it becomes easier to just let them go on and on, and you just think about something else until they are done.  That's becoming what I do, at least, up to a point.  Let me share more.

Last week I encountered a know-it-all.  He actually fits the definitions I found when I googled "know-it-all"  Here was the basic definition:  (www.answers.com) One who claims to know everything and rejects advice or information from others.  

I will refer to "this guy" as Eric.  Eric is someone I met recently, and I have to deal with him in a professional manner, which only adds to the frustration.  And Eric's mistake, little did he know (nor did he probably care), was that he tried to instruct and inform me about the Tour de France.
 
For those who don't know me very well, this fantastic cycling event became my very-much-needed diversion when my life fell apart (when my husband came out as gay, my faith fractured, and the world as I knew it had to be restructured).  To say the least, I LOVE the Tour de France.  I read about it, I watch it on TV (even the re-runs) and I have attended the race in France more than four times.  I have favorite cyclists, I wear logo clothes, and I carry two souvenir keychains with me every day.  Not only do I revere the race, but I love all things French.  The race is simply the vehicle that lets me enjoy the country, the people, and the culture that I've only begun to discover.  As enthusiastic as I am, I am well aware that I've only scratched the surface - I'm an observer and I have so much to learn!

Having shared that with you, I think you can understand my annoyance or frustration when Eric started his lecture to me on Lance Armstrong, the Tour, and his rundown on the two.  At first I considered having a conversation, but that went awry when Eric ignored my input altogether, and there was nothing sensible for me to do than to drop it.  I simply waited until he was done talking, and then Eric and I carried out our business.  Done.  And I no longer had to endure him or his ignorant comments (because he really was mis- or little-informed).  'Nuff sed about Eric.

Switching gears now to another topic where some are know-it-alls:  Refusing to love and accept GLBT people!  By being "out" as an ally in real life, being publicly supportive on this blog, through e-mails, and on facebook, I try to engage with others about another of my favorite topics.  Unfortunately, not everyone is willing to do the hard work of thinking through or listening to and learning from those who ARE GLBT. 

This week I heard from "AL" with this message directed at Ray:


Comments: From: Al
 Email: aa@hotmail.com
Just heard your a sodomite. If thats so please quit using the church as a crutch and move on. You are only hurting Gods people and his message.





I responded:  (Well, first I wrote something hurriedly and mean, and I erased that.  THEN I responded with this)
Dear Al,  I would love to have the right words to respond to you, but nothing I say can really impact someone who feels like you do. So many who do not choose to be gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender or otherwise, are faced constantly with people who make assumptions and reject them.
signed CJ, Ray Boltz Music, Inc.

To which AL replied:  the only choice made here is that Mr. Boltz chooses to ignore Gods word and what he says about sin and also chooses to indulge in sin that is very clearly condemed numerous times throughout the Bible.  I'm not saying im perfect either.  I have moments of greed, lust, jealousy, pride, etc.  the only difference between myself and Mr. Boltz is that i will admit to mine being wrong.  he is being dishonest to himself and the very people he is claiming to minister to.  Just as i have to come clean to God after i sin, so can he.  God can and does forgive all sin.  The first step for Mr. boltz is to admit that sodomy is wrong.  Im sure he has heard all of this before, but i felt the need to say something.

I will pray that he is able to let go of this and give his life to god.

A fellow Sinner,
AL

Now I'm thinking:  This guy can't spell, capitalize, or construct a proper sentence.  He doesn't even use a capital "G" in reference to God, and he wants to engage in a debate on the essence of what sin is and isn't?  Because AL has not bothered to respectfully listen to any gay folks, I doubt he is going to listen if I take the time to continue talking (via e-mail) with him.   In cases like AL's I generally revert to what I said in the first place:  "... nothing I say can really impact someone who feels like you do."  


It could be said that I'm not willing to listen to AL, and that is sort of right.  Some might say that I am a know-it-all.  To that I sincerely object.  I admittedly say, "No, thank you," to the many who still hold their view that being gay is a sin.  Out of respect, I have to say that I DID listen to this message most of my life.  I'm steadfastly convinced that I was lied to, misled at the very least, and although I don't know of any time when I confronted someone to condemn them, I do know that I didn't accept or understand someone who was gay and Christian.

I'm certain that the fundamentalist message CAN be changed because I changed.  That does give me HOPE, and it can happen when the know-it-alls stop hearing only their own repetitive messages of condemnation.  Concerning AL and his comments, he probably never expected any reply.  I'll treat him like I did "Eric" - and so many others who are not currently listening - stop and wait until the misinformation stops so that some day we can carry on the business at hand, which for us Christians, it is to love God, love others.

To the ones who think they know it all, I plead once again:  Listen.  Don't be jerks.  Pay attention to others who live a life you don't understand.

I'm from Driftwood

Recently I mentioned that sharing your own story is important, and I found a site today (thanks, Matt Algren) that shares about a million personal coming out stories.  http://www.imfromdriftwood.com/  Okay, maybe not a million, but there are a lot.  Youtube alone has 61 uploaded stories for I'm from Driftwood.

I'm so glad the creator, Nathan Manske, is the self-proclaimed geek that he is, and seems to be quite a developer of his ideas.  The additional staffers are Rafi Mittlefehldt, Marquise Lee, and Jessie Tilton  Some of the stories are funny, some sad, and of course, from each person there is something that touches your soul.

When someone shares their own story, it provides value in many ways.  For one, there is nothing new under the sun, and so you find others who have been where you are, and there is shared understanding.  Two, as humans who seek to identify with others with whom we don't share a background, and it helps us empathize and understand.  As the stories are read or listened to, we gain common information that we would not have otherwise, and we grow.    

I hope the stories are read, watched, and understood.  Well done, Driftwood people. 

Rummage Sale: canceled

Today I'm not having a rummage sale, and I'm not working at my "new" job (I'm off nearly every Friday).  What I AM doing is resting my aching back and painful sciatica.  What I WANTED to do was prepare for the employee Parking Lot Sale, get rid of the stacks of extra (non-fitting) clothes in my closet (as well as a bunch of "Miscellaneous" as it is referred to in Garage Sale language) and make a few dollars all at the same time.  My wonderful co-workers had even volunteered to help me, but even so, I decided last night that I should cancel.  It just isn't worth it to further hurt myself in an effort to make a hundred bucks. Too bad, since I have a lot of stuff already stickered and ready to go. 

Self-preservaton.  I wonder, when does that kick in on a more intense level than our willingness to persevere and DO things that we want or need to do?  I probably could do the sale, but would it be in my own best interest?  Even with all the work involved, the actual SALE time would be fun, with socializing with co-workers, meeting new co-workers, and sharing the satisfaction of a job achieved and well-done.  I LIKE meeting rummage-salers.  I WANTED to make some extra cash.  I WISH I could clear out some of the clutter that I seem to collect without trying.  All these intended goals meant that a big ol' RUMMAGE SALE could achieve what I wanted to do!

BUT, when it got to last night, the time when I needed to load the tables, carry all the boxes, and pack the vehicle to be ready for Saturday, I just really, really hurt, and I couldn't see following through.  Maybe later, maybe with some family input (hint, hint), but not tomorrow. 

Something about working hard feels good.  There is disappointment in not getting to do the sale.  I even tried to do a sale last week in my garage, but the heat was a setback.  I mean, the weatherperson said it was supposed to feel like 100*!  Who wants to have or GO to a rummage when it's that hot?  Yesterday I decided to run an ad in the paper (so that I could run it today, get rid of some stuff prior to the employee rummage, and I would have less to lug over there).  I submitted the information as soon as I got home from work, but I got a call an hour later that I'd missed the deadline.  All these things have been roadblocks to me and my RUMMAGE sale efforts! 

And so I ask you:  What is up in the meaning of LIFE that I can't get a crummy garage sale going?