Personal update

Seeing that I haven't written too many blog entries, I would like to share some of the things that are taking my time.  I will list a few changes:

Last April I started a new job!  I was very happy to find something and I'm now manager of a hospital gift shop!  Having co-owned Ray Boltz Music, Inc. for nearly 35 years (part of that prior to when it was incorporated), having done a little online business, and because I had retail experience years ago, I was accepted as "qualified" and I got the job!  I work with a great group of Auxiliary volunteers, have a boss that is super, and I love working at the hospital.  Although I have more than enough paperwork, I also enjoy each person who comes into the shop, and helping buy things for the shop to sell is challenging and a lot of fun. 

In August I gave up the website (www.rayboltz.com) and all that it included.  Ray traveled from Florida to move the office furniture and we signed papers that confirm that Ray Boltz Music, Inc. no longer operates in Indiana.  Ray has worked to set up the website in a totally downloadable way - songs, sheet music, and CDs, all digitally downloadable!  It is nearly ready, and I encourage you to buy here.

Soulforce:  I remain a member of the board of directors, and am proud to serve.  Working to eliminate the prejudice and discrimination against GLBTQs, and do that through non-violent means remains an important passion for me.  In November (Nov. 5-7, 2010) Soulforce will again partner with several gay rights groups for its' SYMPOSIUM in Philadelphia.  

Another thing associated with Soulforce is that at the end of August it was announced that Ray is serving as their "honorary spokesperson."  I'm hoping that each of us can serve to bring more information, freedom, and acceptance to the difficult situation when a spouse reveals their long-hidden sexual orientation.

Grandbabies!  Early this year, daughter Liz and her husband welcomed the one they call (on the internet) "Chuck."  This baby is a joy, and either my daughter or I travel as often as we can so that I can know and hold that darling baby.  Meanwhile, I have two little ones who live in the same city as I do, and spending time with them is a priority.  And finally, daughter Sara is expecting right around Christmas, and son Phil's wife is due 6 weeks later.  Both of these babies are "firsts", so I have baby quilts that need to be finished (well, they actually have to be started!). 

Dad - My elderly dad lives next door to me, and I try to visit him just to talk, and help with things he needs.  He's 89, and he loves to come over for a meal (if I ever cook!) and I'm very fortunate to have him so close.

Writing...I haven't had much time for it!  While I still have thoughts run through my head, I can't seem to get all my work done (I still live in a home with a lot to take care of) and get to all I need to do.  If you write to me, please be patient, and I'll try to reply.  This all is very demanding to work and keep up with everything.  I don't know how others do it when they have family and kids at home.  

Bible and changes - it happens!

Here's is a thing I've realized:  We Christians have looked at so many issues that are mentioned in the Bible and we have changed:  left-handedness, long hair on women (uncut), use of psychologists, birth control, and even specific "no-nos" such as eating shrimp, going places on Sunday (besides church) and "yes-yesses" like stoning our rebellious sons!  We don't DO those things!  Nor do we have slaves, and slaves in the Bible are a "given".  So, since I can understand that being gay is something someone does NOT choose, and because we have to figure out how all of us have to live with integrity, following God if we choose to, then we have to look at the Bible as changeable.  God doesn't change, but how we look at the Bible does. 

Grandma's cross-stitch: Be happy and gay

I don't have many "things" that belonged to my Grandma "Riney".  Her real name was Carrie Rinehart, and for as long as I remember, she was confined to a wheel chair because of strokes.  She lived with us (Mom and Dad, my older brother, Lee, and I) when I was about 3 or 4.  When Mom became pregnant with one of the younger kids, Grandma Riney went back to stay with my Aunt Evelyn, and she passed away the summer before I started kindergarten. 

I remember how Grandma wore her long, white hair.  It went in some kind of roll from one temple, around the back to the other temple - kind of where a crown would sit.  I rarely saw her hair down, and when I did I though it was strange and that she looked a little scarey - and Grandma was NEVER scarey.  I just liked it better when it was "up" and fixed.  

Grandma, since she was in that wooden, cane-bottom wheelchair, played with me a lot.  We'd pretend that we heard a kitten or a hurt puppy, and then go "find" the little animal.  I'd tuck it into her woolen shawl, pet it, and then push Grandma's chair around the house, looking for another one. 

Grandma was also really good at telling stories.  She told me how the Big Dipper got into the sky, and a story of pioneer children, Jim and Joe, who hid from the Indians while their parents went to town for supplies.  I was entranced by her stories, and my Mom went on to tell the same stories long after Grandma was gone.  I loved imagining those little boys, and one was "crippled" and had to be pulled in a wagon - which the older boy did willingly, and saved the boys' lives until the parents returned from a very long trip to town! 

Years later I realized that Grandma's boys were really named "Jim and Joe," and that Joe had died years earlier of diptheria when he was only about 7.  After his death, Grandma, not yet 40, had a stroke and had to teach herself to walk again - without help from therapists (it was before 1919).  I know that year because after Grandma lost her son, and endured an alcoholic husband, she gave birth in her 40s to little Mildred (or Millie) who was later to become my mom.  

Later in life, some time after Mom and Dad married, Grandma suffered a stroke again - and there may have been multiple ones - and this time it permanently left her unable to walk or move her right side.  Still, she kept herself busy, and I often watched as she cross-stitched with her crippled right hand, and her clumsy left one.  She used a hoop, and made many pillowcases, dresser runners and wall hangings.  I loved watching how she pulled the thread through the cream-colored material - and it wasn't counted cross-stitch that is popular now, but rather pre-printed flowers, birds and current sayings. 

I treasure two of Grandma's samplers, and one has been hanging in my home continually for many years.  It says, "God bless our home."  It's framed in the original frame from years ago. 

The second one was re-set in a more modern frame by my mom, and she probably did it for me when one of my babies were born.  I hung it in our bedroom for years, until at some point the words didn't seem to be "current."  Today I was going through some boxes in my storage barn, and I pulled it out!  I was so glad to find it, given the feelings I have for my friends and loved ones who happen to be gay -

Now you may wonder how in the world this relates to this blog, and why I felt like writing about it today...

And on the back, in Mom's writing, was this message: 












I'm getting ready to do a new mat and frame for my grandma's cross-stitch sampler.  I'll use Mom's handwritten caption, along with the old saying.  I think it will be beautiful.

It was in 2001 that Mom died and that was just three (plus) years before Ray came out, and I've wondered how she would have accepted him after his disclosure.  She adored Ray as my husband, and loved his music, and I have writings that she left saying, "I want to show God's love to everyone..."  And with those characteristics, I really can imagine that she'd have seen through the church garbage of rejection, and she'd have known he did his best for his whole life, and she'd let Ray know, even today, that she loves him no matter what.

As for my Grandma Riney, I didn't know her faith or her feelings, except that she loved ME.  While in the 1950s it was before the current term meant what it does to us today, I like to imagine that she was saying to Ray through her stitches, "Be happy and gay." 

Anne Rice and faith in Jesus Christ

A while ago I became a "fan" of Anne Rice on facebook.  Around that time I found that she was expressing thoughts, as well as questions, about faith in Jesus and how to reconcile ideas held by Christian churches and what she felt about these ideas.  On Wednesday (July 28), just in case you haven't yet read it elsewhere, she said this on facebook: 

Anne Rice As I said below, I quit being a Christian. I'm out. In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of ...Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen.

There have been several of her posts that resonate with how I feel, but I cannot stop being a Christian.  In ways that she supports feminism, gay rights, and all the others in her list, I understand. 

In the last few years, I have found it hard to continue being a church-goer, when I know that others around me don't share my views.  I find it difficult to remain silent as I hear others bash Obama-voters, health-care for all, and who think all women should submit to all men. 

As far as where I identify with faith in Christ, I certainly believe that God has had an order in my life, the full scope of which I never expected.  I don't know what else will be unveiled, yet I believe that there has to be a plan, or like I said, an order, to all that I've lived.  I believe that Jesus died, rose again, and showed us immeasurable love through his sacrifice.  I want to share in that life of love, and I choose to be a follower of Christ. 

Anne Rice is a thoughtful writer, a talented individual, and I respect her statement to stand with Christ, while not standing with Christians.  I believe that she's a leader in this, and I know many who identify with her.  I know I do. 

Know-it-alls: narcisstic, ill-informed

In general, I have to practice listening.

When someone has a story or fact to share, I make it a point to hear them, and I have learned to be quiet and think before I blab on about what I want to say.  That being said, I also have my opinions about many things, and I enjoy discussing similar interests with other people.  I'm not shy, and I am glad, when asked, to speak up.  Those who know me in the "real world" know that I'm a talker.   The thing I don't like is when someone talks over me - without regard for conversation.  I call that person a blabbermouth, or a know-it-all, both are somethings that I don't want to be.

Thanks to google, and to it being such a fantastic resource, I also discovered whole articles about "how to know if you are a know-it-all", "Ways to communicate with a know-it-all" and, fortunately, "How to deal with a know-it-all."

Now if you take your basic know-it-all, and realize that he or she is basically a narcissistic asshole, it becomes easier to just let them go on and on, and you just think about something else until they are done.  That's becoming what I do, at least, up to a point.  Let me share more.

Last week I encountered a know-it-all.  He actually fits the definitions I found when I googled "know-it-all"  Here was the basic definition:  (www.answers.com) One who claims to know everything and rejects advice or information from others.  

I will refer to "this guy" as Eric.  Eric is someone I met recently, and I have to deal with him in a professional manner, which only adds to the frustration.  And Eric's mistake, little did he know (nor did he probably care), was that he tried to instruct and inform me about the Tour de France.
 
For those who don't know me very well, this fantastic cycling event became my very-much-needed diversion when my life fell apart (when my husband came out as gay, my faith fractured, and the world as I knew it had to be restructured).  To say the least, I LOVE the Tour de France.  I read about it, I watch it on TV (even the re-runs) and I have attended the race in France more than four times.  I have favorite cyclists, I wear logo clothes, and I carry two souvenir keychains with me every day.  Not only do I revere the race, but I love all things French.  The race is simply the vehicle that lets me enjoy the country, the people, and the culture that I've only begun to discover.  As enthusiastic as I am, I am well aware that I've only scratched the surface - I'm an observer and I have so much to learn!

Having shared that with you, I think you can understand my annoyance or frustration when Eric started his lecture to me on Lance Armstrong, the Tour, and his rundown on the two.  At first I considered having a conversation, but that went awry when Eric ignored my input altogether, and there was nothing sensible for me to do than to drop it.  I simply waited until he was done talking, and then Eric and I carried out our business.  Done.  And I no longer had to endure him or his ignorant comments (because he really was mis- or little-informed).  'Nuff sed about Eric.

Switching gears now to another topic where some are know-it-alls:  Refusing to love and accept GLBT people!  By being "out" as an ally in real life, being publicly supportive on this blog, through e-mails, and on facebook, I try to engage with others about another of my favorite topics.  Unfortunately, not everyone is willing to do the hard work of thinking through or listening to and learning from those who ARE GLBT. 

This week I heard from "AL" with this message directed at Ray:


Comments: From: Al
 Email: aa@hotmail.com
Just heard your a sodomite. If thats so please quit using the church as a crutch and move on. You are only hurting Gods people and his message.





I responded:  (Well, first I wrote something hurriedly and mean, and I erased that.  THEN I responded with this)
Dear Al,  I would love to have the right words to respond to you, but nothing I say can really impact someone who feels like you do. So many who do not choose to be gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender or otherwise, are faced constantly with people who make assumptions and reject them.
signed CJ, Ray Boltz Music, Inc.

To which AL replied:  the only choice made here is that Mr. Boltz chooses to ignore Gods word and what he says about sin and also chooses to indulge in sin that is very clearly condemed numerous times throughout the Bible.  I'm not saying im perfect either.  I have moments of greed, lust, jealousy, pride, etc.  the only difference between myself and Mr. Boltz is that i will admit to mine being wrong.  he is being dishonest to himself and the very people he is claiming to minister to.  Just as i have to come clean to God after i sin, so can he.  God can and does forgive all sin.  The first step for Mr. boltz is to admit that sodomy is wrong.  Im sure he has heard all of this before, but i felt the need to say something.

I will pray that he is able to let go of this and give his life to god.

A fellow Sinner,
AL

Now I'm thinking:  This guy can't spell, capitalize, or construct a proper sentence.  He doesn't even use a capital "G" in reference to God, and he wants to engage in a debate on the essence of what sin is and isn't?  Because AL has not bothered to respectfully listen to any gay folks, I doubt he is going to listen if I take the time to continue talking (via e-mail) with him.   In cases like AL's I generally revert to what I said in the first place:  "... nothing I say can really impact someone who feels like you do."  


It could be said that I'm not willing to listen to AL, and that is sort of right.  Some might say that I am a know-it-all.  To that I sincerely object.  I admittedly say, "No, thank you," to the many who still hold their view that being gay is a sin.  Out of respect, I have to say that I DID listen to this message most of my life.  I'm steadfastly convinced that I was lied to, misled at the very least, and although I don't know of any time when I confronted someone to condemn them, I do know that I didn't accept or understand someone who was gay and Christian.

I'm certain that the fundamentalist message CAN be changed because I changed.  That does give me HOPE, and it can happen when the know-it-alls stop hearing only their own repetitive messages of condemnation.  Concerning AL and his comments, he probably never expected any reply.  I'll treat him like I did "Eric" - and so many others who are not currently listening - stop and wait until the misinformation stops so that some day we can carry on the business at hand, which for us Christians, it is to love God, love others.

To the ones who think they know it all, I plead once again:  Listen.  Don't be jerks.  Pay attention to others who live a life you don't understand.