Hillary Clinton: Gay rights are human rights, and human rights are gay rights.

I am so pleased to know the Secretary of State Hillary Clinton (whom I supported in the primary 2008) not only participated in Pride Week 2010, but made this very public statement in supporting rights for ALL LGBT people. 

She also encourages straight people to stand up for those who cannot stand for themselves.  I'm so very pleased to be standing with her, and encourage you to listen to her speech.  It matters to us all - in the name of equal rights.  Toward the end of her speech, she speaks of the doing all we can to create safe spaces, and to look for those who need to be mentored.  Let's follow Hillary's example, and be a part of history!

More reader input 2010

Last night I woke up and had a REALLY good idea for a post. Then I went back to sleep and can't remember what it is. I do that a lot, whether it's when I'm sleeping or not. I start posts in my head, and then can't compose them. I write a good beginning paragraph, and then my conclusions don't match the intensity of what I began with. The result is that I haven't blogged much.

While I get some amazing e-mails, most of them require well-though-out replies. I am NOT good at advice. Each life requires decisions that I'm not qualified to make, and that I can't make for anyone else. My life has been and IS one that I still have to decide and walk through every day. As much as I wish that it were easy, think again. Let me share some questions, and open this for input.

Situations:

a seemingly kind fan wrote, and a reply to her has to be on so many levels:

I am not without experience in this- though mine, admittedly doesn't compare with yours. My sister is living a lesbian lifestyle. I'm not emailing you to harrass or even to criticize, it isn't my intention to seem combative. I'm sure this is just one of many emailst hat echo the same feeling. I firmly believe this is a very convincing lie form the devil- we all have sinful desires, that doesn't give us permission to act on them. I dont mean to trivialize his lifelong struggle, I know it is far from simple. God doesn't lie. Satan does. God won't tell you not to act on homosexual feelings while making you to have them. It doesn't mean they aren't felt- just that they are NOT from God. I think its a shame that you are condoning and offering up your own version of biblical truth to justify this life- it is a flasehood that could lead others astray.

a divorced, gay man, wrote concerning how to continue to celebrate the holidays:

My question is this: Can I still have a positive relationship with her [his ex-wife] including Christmas day celebrations, gatherings with her family, etc.? Is this possible or even reasonable so as not to confuse my 12 year old son?

and from "BKY" who e-mailed:

I will pray ...for... you, and your children. I will pray that you each will know Christ and grow closer to him. I pray that you will glorify him and seek the truth of the gospel. I implore you to please be careful what you are teaching others for when you lead others astray how much more accountable will He hold you for your actions. We are all sinners, yes even Christians, so we will continue to sin until Jesus comes back again. The difference between a Christian and a non Christian is repentance. I pray you and Ray will seek out this concept and then maybe you will realize that Christians do not hate you but want to see you be victorious in Christ!

...so I wrote back this reply:

Dear BCY,

Thank you for writing to me, and for what tries to be kindness. I'm glad you have listened to Ray's music and liked it so much. I am truly thankful that you have written.

I'm sorry that you think I am leading others astray. I don't believe that. I also wish that it were as simple as what you describe as being "victorious in Christ," in order to deal with being gay. It's NOT like that.

What I feel is that I'm fortunate to have been born and have grown up as a heterosexual woman. I'm in the majority, and that is easier than adjusting to being non-heterosexual. I didn't have to decide that. It came natural to me, and as my hormones kicked in as a teenager, I learned to live according to Christian morals and principles. I'm thankful for a church that guided me and for a family that trusted my feelings for boys.

However, for many who are not "straight"-feeling, the responses to a young adult "crush" (on someone of the same gender) from family members is criticism, judgment, and rejection for non-stereotypical feelings. It isn't even recognized or mentioned in the home - where all of our "family values" are so strongly incorporated. If this is mentioned in the community and/or in school, young people are outcast, and in churches they are condemned. It is this judgment against normal, honest feelings for another person that the non-straight young person is forced to hide. Most try to conform to a nature contrary to their make-up, and they desperately go against what for straight kids is normal, adolescent development.

What I'm saying here is that if it is a straight crush on a boy or girl, it is encouraged. If it is a same-sex crush, it is forbidden, judged, and ridiculed. Rather than allow normal feelings to develop, gay kids are forced from an early age to hide their feelings.

Eventually, many gay people couple and marry straight people, and many times this is done without telling the straight partner. Telling young people that their same-sex-attractions will go away, or diminish, or be solved by marrying a straight person is WRONG. It's not TRUE, or HONEST or any other value that is honored by the Bible or by Christ.

That is what I object to! And I keep saying what I say in hope that it will affect some, and some will not be damaged by broken hearts, broken lives, broken families. I will not go off in a corner and be quiet. Why should it be that there is the "gay community" and in opposition, the "church people"? Why does one need to be an outcast from the faith community based on one's natural, God-given sexual orientation? Oh, wait. It doesn't have to be that way!

Why shouldn't and couldn't it be that we begin to model coupled relationships in our society, including in our churches, that show love, commitment, respect, and honor for one another? Why shouldn't and couldn't it be that we allow young persons, no matter of their sexual orientation, to hang out, crush on and date, the ones that they are naturally attracted to? Why shouldn't and couldn't it be that the straight allies speak up, and that they won't be accused of leading others astray for it? Why shouldn't it and couldn't it be that we live HONESTLY, rather than denying the truth about sexual orientation?

I won't stop, and I pray I can find the energy to keep blogging in 2010. I don't always have all the words or the right words to say, but I will make every effort to keep saying the same thing. IF it is redundant, so be it. If it is disliked, same thing. If I get through to some, I'm glad. If I make some upset, I just hope they'll have read enough to make them think about the issues.

Don't let me down, folks. I'm encouraged and "pumped" when I get your messages and e-mails. Thanks for a great year - and for the upcoming one, let's keep talking about the truth!

Soulforce Regrets to Announce the Resignation of its Executive Director

The following e-mail announcement was made yesterday, November 10, 2009. I will miss Jeff Lutes as the executive director of Soulforce, and welcome the interim (and acting executive director) successor. That person is Bill Carpenter, who has a long history with Soulforce and equal rights activism among Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender/Queer/Questioning folk.

I want to thank Jeff publicly for being an example of love, faith, and family, as he has worked to share with the religious people the truth about being gay and Christian. His leadership and generous live is obvious, and I commend him for all that he's done.

Many heartfelt thanks to Jeff for his service to Soulforce.



Soulforce Regrets to Announce the Resignation of Our Executive Director
Brief Video of Jeff Lutes


A Message from Soulforce Co-Founder Mel White:

Soulforce regrets to announce the resignation of our Executive Director, Jeff Lutes, after nearly four years of dedicated service. Jeff has chosen at this time to return to his family counseling practice in Austin, Texas, and to spend more quality time with his husband, Gary Stein, and their three young children, Niko, Trei, and Jole'. You may stay in touch with Jeff at www.jefflutespsychotherapy.com.

The Soulforce board of directors has appointed Bill Carpenter, who has served as Director of National Actions for many years, as Interim Executive Director. Bill will work with Soulforce staff to continue operations of the organization, including the upcoming Equality Ride in early 2010. Bill has a long history of service to Soulforce, since our very first action in Lynchburg, Virginia in 1999, and I'm grateful to him for taking this role at an important time in Soulforce history. I believe he is uniquely qualified to serve as Interim Executive Director while we undertake a nationwide search for the next Executive Director of Soulforce.

In January 2006, Jeff succeeded me as Executive Director of Soulforce. We are grateful for all he has accomplished in his time as Soulforce Executive Director. Here are a few examples:

* Organized nonviolent direct actions in 2005 and 2006 outside the world headquarters of Focus on the Family. Those protests clearly demonstrated the tragic consequences of James Dobson and his antigay rhetoric and are featured in the films For The Bible Tells Me So and SoleJourney, both distributed by First Run Features.
* Originated the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference in 2007 which exposed the misinformation campaign of Exodus International and spoke clearly to the damage being done by its ex-gay ministries across the country. The conference brought 200 survivors of ex-gay ministries together from all around the world for healing and empowerment. This much needed event received coverage on NPR and media outlets across the country, including CNN's Paula Zahn.
* Created The American Family Outing in 2008 which took dozens of LGBT couples and their children to dialogue with mega-church leaders Rick Warren, Joel Osteen, Bill Hybels, Bishop T.D. Jakes, Bishop Harry Jackson, and Bishop Eddie Long.
* Originated Seven Straight Nights for Equal Rights which created rallies and vigils in 2007 and 2008 by heterosexual allies in 38 cities in 28 different states across the country.
* Wrote the popular Soulforce booklets What the Science Says - And Doesn't Say - About Homosexuality, and A False Focus on My Family.
* Produced Dear Dr. Dobson: An Open Letter Video , the DVD that challenges the antigay rhetoric of James Dobson and warns of its tragic consequences in the lives of LGBT people, their friends and families.
* Managed Soulforce during the birth of our young adults program, Soulforce Q, and the first three Equality Rides.
* Strengthened the reputation of Soulforce through countless print, radio and television interviews and by speaking at dozens of churches, universities and rallies around the country.

Jeff Lutes has led Soulforce through challenging times and we are grateful. Jeff will continue to write and speak powerfully about the role of relentless nonviolent resistance in our struggle against religion-based oppression. Again, we thank Jeff for his role in strengthening Soulforce and for modeling in his own life what it means to be a man of faith committed to doing justice on behalf of all those who suffer religion-based oppression.

- Mel White, Soulforce Co-Founder
November, 2009

Brief Video of Jeff Lutes

Ally and Advocate for Gay rights: Changing the World

I want to address exactly why I am involved with gay rights, and specifically with Soulforce. I've been questioned directly through e-mails, criticized in some blogs, and even wondered at by my brother-in-law. He just doesn't understand how I can be supportive of gay rights, when "they" have such "sinful ways," as well as the hurt I have been through. Why wouldn't I be against gay rights? I want to give some answers.

First of all, I do NOT hold to the idea that being gay is a sin. It is a sexual orientation, a preference for emotional and physical intimacy. Being gay is not a choice, and like everyone, we should all be thankful for our gifts and God-given origins.

There is so much discrimination against GLBTQs, and most of it is based on religion. As a Christian, I believe that Jesus showed us how to love others as we love ourselves, and I think that should include loving those who have been rejected by our churches. He said, "By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love one toward another." I believe in practicing that, and I DO have to practice over and over, because I sometimes (often) fail. Still it is my goal to show and live in the spirit of love.

Since I believe in loving others, it is only natural that I stand up with those who are also standing, and some might not even be able to stand. I'm standing for them until they can stand up too.

And then there is the very personal side...Having been married for over 30 years to Ray, I had a very loving and happy life. Some have even called it a "fairy tale," but it surely was a rags-to-riches story of Horatio Alger proportions. Ray wrote songs that were loved by others, yet the listeners never knew the heart of the writer. I loved that man, and he loved me as well as a gay man could. Ray was a good father, and he loved his kids. I never felt un-loved and I never was disrespected.

When Ray came out, it wasn't with a plan. He had not lived a double life, and the depression he was experiencing was nearly suicidal. As we talked in the days, weeks, and months following, the path did not show itself easily. I prayed for answers, but I knew Ray had prayed his entire life for a solution. It had not come, and as much as I prayed for "just THIS one" to be supernaturally changed from gay to straight, I realized that there was no good solution to the problem: Ray is gay, and I'm not. This I also knew: We had had a good life, and we loved each other.

Questions that I asked of God were rampant in those early times. Prayers were continual. Nightmares were awful. Often my thoughts swirled through my head wondering the purpose of it all - How could God, who knew Ray through and through, and knew ME through and through, have put us together for this to be the way we ended?

Finally, by connecting with blogs, books, and internet sites, I started to reach out to others who understood. I found Peterson, Christine Bakke, and I also found Soulforce. I read the "Letters to Dr. Dobson," and the story told by Mary Lou Wallner. I began to understand that gay folk are just the same as straights, and that the cause of gay rights was active and getting louder. My new friends were supportive, loving and a help to me! I wanted to get involved so that my voice could be heard, and my body would stand on the front lines for Equality for all!

In addition to realizing that there were untruths that had been told me in the church about gay people, I saw the exclusion and rejection that was prevalent in every church I'd ever gone to. I understood what it had been like for someone like Ray to be told they were un-saveable, unacceptable to God, and doomed for life as well as in death. What hope could they have? I changed, and I wanted to make changes. I wanted to be a voice to correct the lies that are told every day in fundamentalist churches.

These days, it is not for my rights that I participate with Soulforce. It is for the RIGHT thing to do! There are so many people, and I hear from them, who are in jobs that they could loose because it's still legal (in many states) to fire people who are openly gay/lesbian. Equal Rights don't exist for GLBTQs for marriage, adoption, or to protect them from hate crimes. There are mixed-orientation marriages taking place, where heartache is either evident or looming in the future. There are gay people who are in Christian churches (and other religious groups) being told that they can pray the gay away if they marry a good spouse. Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Trans/Queer and Questioning people are feeling self-hate and church rejection because of the untruths that are spread by way of the churches that they love. Suicides are happening because GLBTQs feel that they have no hope!

To END ALL THESE THINGS, I am an ally for change! To END ALL THESE THINGS, I am standing for the truth!

I've been questioned this way: Aren't you too defensive of Ray? If it hadn't been for Ray, would you have been standing up on behalf of gay rights? My answer is, "No. If it hadn't happened to someone I love, I would never have understood." (read here, where I address that question more thoroughly.)

So it is with a LOT of personal reasons I put myself in the middle of Equality Rights. I entered this without a plan myself, but I found myself having to grow and learn. These days I have one. I'm doing all I can to support those affected by the issues of GLBTQs as well as the families connected to them. I hope to be a voice of reason as well as a voice of love. I know I've had to change, and I hope I can change the world.

Proud in an allied way

Since this month is full of Pride events, I'm making it clear for all the record: I'm a proud ally of my gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender friends! It's not that I understand everything, and for sure I don't know what it's like to be discriminated against, but I DO know that God made us all, we are all loved by God, and all of us deserve the same rights!

So I ask myself: How do I make a difference? How do I express the respect and PRIDE I have in these gay friends?

To begin with, I don't hate my ex-husband, who came out about 4 1/2 years ago to me and our immediate family. Later, in Sept., 2008, he revealed this to the greater public through an interview in the Washington Blade.

Next, I make supportive comments on blogs. These are connected to my name, and I'm not anonymous any more. I'm free to support the people and ideas I believe in.

I share stories and blogs of interest on social networking sites like facebook and twitter. This recently led to a "friend" who "unfriended" me. I was kind of surprised since she's a local person from the church I used to attend. Hmmm...why was I surprised?

In conversations I speak up for the rights of gays. I won't tolerate jokes that ridicule what it's like to be gay. This is both easy and it's hard, especially when you have bozos who don't listen to reason or are insensitive. I don't mind a bit to speak up, but I'd like to know the IMMEDIATE comeback in every situation, in order to say what I think and believe.

This is a small thing, but I put a little rainbow-colored whirly-gig in my plants, and I aimed it at the preacher's house across the street. I know, that's a little bit of attitude, but I LIKE IT!

I read and try to keep up with issues that involve equal rights. I post stories on my blog, with comments on how they affect my life. I try to discuss these issues with people who can be swayed in a positive way, and I try not to inflame the rest of the crowd. Sometimes I fail at that, but I've heard it said, "You draw more flies with honey than you do with vinegar," and even though I don't LIKE flies, I think the point is evident.

Of those who become upset with me, I figure that this is a minor thing, and I call them not friends but, "former connections." I also know that I've made friends among people that experience crap from those who aren't listening, and I'm proud of those discriminated-against friends. It isn't hard to stand up with PRIDE for FRIENDS.

Don't stand in the way of equal rights

How do I begin? To start, I get irritated. It makes me annoyed, and I'm getting downright mad. It's when people be-little the oppression of gay/lesbian/bi-sexual/transgender issues, and they patronize the battle for rights. Some whine at being called purveyors of hate speech, when that is exactly what is happening. I don't know how to tame my thoughts, but please bear with me as I put forth what I'm thinking. These are serious issues, and when amateur bloggers (of which I confess I am one) and commenters flippantly state that this is not discrimination, I have to blatantly disagree.

I ask this question rhetorically, and it is to those who want to continue to deny other people's rights: How does it make any difference to you in how other people live their lives? And why does it mean that you can stand in the way of THEIR expressions of love? Why is it more important that you, as oppressors, can express commitment, while others cannot receive the same legal status of marriage?


Peterson Toscano wrote an excellent letter, calling out the oppressors. He expresses so well that as much as one denies it, those who vehemently stand against full rights for ALL individuals, are trampling on the very sons and daughters of God. These gay and lesbian citizens are present in our communities, where they will continue to have influence, like Peterson says here:

In spite of the opposition and the oppression, we will thrive. Transgender people, lesbians, bisexuals, and gays will have our families, our faith, our places in our communities. We will walk hand in hand with our partners without apology and without shame. We will enjoy our sexual lives as a expression of our love and as a conduit of pleasure–pure and simple. We will not go away or heed your flawed and uninformed message.

Since a couple weeks ago, when Rick Warren was invited to the Inauguration, I offered an entry saying that we should pray that churches discontinue the spreading of lies about gay people. I think that the continued discussion has shown that more needs to be said. I want to state clearly that I stand with those who stand for full equality and full inclusion in our Christian churches. If those of us who have been affected by a gay member of our family will stand together, perhaps more will understand.

I repeat once more that NO ONE CHOOSES THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATION, AND NO ONE CHANGES IT. So please, do not stand in the way of those who wish to live their lives with the ones they love. Please don't stand in the way of others in whose shoes you do not walk, and do not continue to make statements about their lives that you don't even try to understand.

p.s. You know who I'm talking to.