Notice added on how I use statements, comments, and e-mails

Because of the nature of this blog, I find it important and interesting to have open comments and sharing of personal stories. Anonymous commenters are allowed in most situations. I will allow no disrespect (in my opinion) of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer people on behalf of sexual orientation or identity.

Please note that I welcome all comments and personal e-mails. Some comments will not be posted, based on my personal discretion. However, I reserve the right to include your comments and relevant portions of personal e-mails and messages to me, as content of this blog, or wherever their use can best be afforded.

I will never reveal personal identities without your permission (name, location, specific employer, etc.)

This statement in no way serves as a legally binding statement. This blog is public, and it's on the internet. If you write on the internet, you are automatically giving me your permission to use what you write.

More reader input 2010

Last night I woke up and had a REALLY good idea for a post. Then I went back to sleep and can't remember what it is. I do that a lot, whether it's when I'm sleeping or not. I start posts in my head, and then can't compose them. I write a good beginning paragraph, and then my conclusions don't match the intensity of what I began with. The result is that I haven't blogged much.

While I get some amazing e-mails, most of them require well-though-out replies. I am NOT good at advice. Each life requires decisions that I'm not qualified to make, and that I can't make for anyone else. My life has been and IS one that I still have to decide and walk through every day. As much as I wish that it were easy, think again. Let me share some questions, and open this for input.

Situations:

a seemingly kind fan wrote, and a reply to her has to be on so many levels:

I am not without experience in this- though mine, admittedly doesn't compare with yours. My sister is living a lesbian lifestyle. I'm not emailing you to harrass or even to criticize, it isn't my intention to seem combative. I'm sure this is just one of many emailst hat echo the same feeling. I firmly believe this is a very convincing lie form the devil- we all have sinful desires, that doesn't give us permission to act on them. I dont mean to trivialize his lifelong struggle, I know it is far from simple. God doesn't lie. Satan does. God won't tell you not to act on homosexual feelings while making you to have them. It doesn't mean they aren't felt- just that they are NOT from God. I think its a shame that you are condoning and offering up your own version of biblical truth to justify this life- it is a flasehood that could lead others astray.

a divorced, gay man, wrote concerning how to continue to celebrate the holidays:

My question is this: Can I still have a positive relationship with her [his ex-wife] including Christmas day celebrations, gatherings with her family, etc.? Is this possible or even reasonable so as not to confuse my 12 year old son?

and from "BKY" who e-mailed:

I will pray ...for... you, and your children. I will pray that you each will know Christ and grow closer to him. I pray that you will glorify him and seek the truth of the gospel. I implore you to please be careful what you are teaching others for when you lead others astray how much more accountable will He hold you for your actions. We are all sinners, yes even Christians, so we will continue to sin until Jesus comes back again. The difference between a Christian and a non Christian is repentance. I pray you and Ray will seek out this concept and then maybe you will realize that Christians do not hate you but want to see you be victorious in Christ!

...so I wrote back this reply:

Dear BCY,

Thank you for writing to me, and for what tries to be kindness. I'm glad you have listened to Ray's music and liked it so much. I am truly thankful that you have written.

I'm sorry that you think I am leading others astray. I don't believe that. I also wish that it were as simple as what you describe as being "victorious in Christ," in order to deal with being gay. It's NOT like that.

What I feel is that I'm fortunate to have been born and have grown up as a heterosexual woman. I'm in the majority, and that is easier than adjusting to being non-heterosexual. I didn't have to decide that. It came natural to me, and as my hormones kicked in as a teenager, I learned to live according to Christian morals and principles. I'm thankful for a church that guided me and for a family that trusted my feelings for boys.

However, for many who are not "straight"-feeling, the responses to a young adult "crush" (on someone of the same gender) from family members is criticism, judgment, and rejection for non-stereotypical feelings. It isn't even recognized or mentioned in the home - where all of our "family values" are so strongly incorporated. If this is mentioned in the community and/or in school, young people are outcast, and in churches they are condemned. It is this judgment against normal, honest feelings for another person that the non-straight young person is forced to hide. Most try to conform to a nature contrary to their make-up, and they desperately go against what for straight kids is normal, adolescent development.

What I'm saying here is that if it is a straight crush on a boy or girl, it is encouraged. If it is a same-sex crush, it is forbidden, judged, and ridiculed. Rather than allow normal feelings to develop, gay kids are forced from an early age to hide their feelings.

Eventually, many gay people couple and marry straight people, and many times this is done without telling the straight partner. Telling young people that their same-sex-attractions will go away, or diminish, or be solved by marrying a straight person is WRONG. It's not TRUE, or HONEST or any other value that is honored by the Bible or by Christ.

That is what I object to! And I keep saying what I say in hope that it will affect some, and some will not be damaged by broken hearts, broken lives, broken families. I will not go off in a corner and be quiet. Why should it be that there is the "gay community" and in opposition, the "church people"? Why does one need to be an outcast from the faith community based on one's natural, God-given sexual orientation? Oh, wait. It doesn't have to be that way!

Why shouldn't and couldn't it be that we begin to model coupled relationships in our society, including in our churches, that show love, commitment, respect, and honor for one another? Why shouldn't and couldn't it be that we allow young persons, no matter of their sexual orientation, to hang out, crush on and date, the ones that they are naturally attracted to? Why shouldn't and couldn't it be that the straight allies speak up, and that they won't be accused of leading others astray for it? Why shouldn't it and couldn't it be that we live HONESTLY, rather than denying the truth about sexual orientation?

I won't stop, and I pray I can find the energy to keep blogging in 2010. I don't always have all the words or the right words to say, but I will make every effort to keep saying the same thing. IF it is redundant, so be it. If it is disliked, same thing. If I get through to some, I'm glad. If I make some upset, I just hope they'll have read enough to make them think about the issues.

Don't let me down, folks. I'm encouraged and "pumped" when I get your messages and e-mails. Thanks for a great year - and for the upcoming one, let's keep talking about the truth!