Monday, November 16, 2009

Questions from "Anonymous" named Justin: Scriptural justification, and would I support gays if it wasn't for Ray?

From Justin, I was asked a couple of questions, which I have tried to answer.

1) How do you justify homosexuality in scripture?


Where to start? Your question assumes that one needs to justify being gay. You are asking me, I assume, from a legalistic or fundamentalist viewpoint that assumes that the Christian Bible has answers to all questions. Although I believe that the Bible can help us in all situations, it is not a sex manual nor a science book. When we watch programs on the Discovery Channel, we learn things that have been discovered, among other things, about plants, animals, health, and humans. Watching the History Channel gives us perspectives that range from archaeology to recent history - and neither of these resources give answers to all the information available to us, and the vast knowledge available continues to grow.

The FACT is that somewhat less than 10% of the population identifies themselves as gay/bisexual/transgender. There is no need or obligation to justify this existence. You don’t have to justify other variations in human performance, like being a gifted gymnast or athlete. In the same way, there appear to be creative and artistic abilities shown among gay people, and the public gets the benefit of this. We don’t reject the art because of someone’s sexual orientation, neither do we justify the quality of art in any way because of whether or not someone is gay or straight.

On the other hand, we have variations that we consider handicaps, illnesses, and disease. While I in no way liken these to being gay, the variations in our society show value in the diversity of the human condition. In the same way, I don’t feel the need to justify the reality that some giftedness is borne out of tragedy, as when a special needs child shows affection and love in ways that are inexplicable and valued. While there may be spiritual principles evident in those values, it is not specifically a “scriptural” justification of the condition.

In the current times it isn’t necessary to justify one’s near- or far-sightedness, or whether one writes with the right or left hand. In the Bible, lefties were forbidden. As recently as when I was a child, teachers tried to eliminate left-handedness in other kids who preferred to write with their left hand. Right-handedness was insisted upon! Variation was discouraged and sometimes punished. In the same regard, whether someone is gay or straight, and whether they are self-accepting or not, they remain with the orientation that they are born with. Yes, there are bisexuals, too, and some people are more fluid in their sexual preferences. But with the acceptance of many “givens” that have no relationship to sin, morality, or one’s goodness or badness, we have learned to accept difference in the make-up of individuals. This perspective helped me to understand part of the truth about what it means to have something a “given” about oneself, that you don’t choose, and that doesn’t really change.

With that tangent being expressed, I will go back to your original question. What about the Bible? What verses do I use to “justify” homosexuality. Most of all, I use this one:
"Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other." John 13:34-35 from "The Message" version of The Bible.
I see that verse as one of the most important reasons to love ALL people - to at least TRY to follow the commands of Christ.

#1 - I usually refer those who are looking for Biblical answers to the booklet published by Soulforce, written by Mel White: http://www.soulforce.org/article/homosexuality-bible

I often say that I am not a theologian, and that I don’t want debate. I do accept people who in this day and age say, “I’m gay. I didn’t choose to be a minority. I’ve tried and done everything there is to be straight, but I’m still gay.” And from the love I’ve known through my former husband as well as friends that I’ve met, I believe them. How tragic is it to try throughout one’s life to be someone you’re not destined to be? And how tragic is it that our society tries to inflict the heterosexist majority on those for whom this is impossible?

#2 - I believe firmly that in Bible times there have been romantically-linked couples whose stories are recorded. These people are right before our eyes, but our culture has refused to recognize or give credence to their sexual orientations. These stories are shown in 1 Samuel 18, telling that Jonathan and David were more than the “close friends,” that we were taught in Sunday School. Whether you choose to accept this is up to you, but I see evidence of this love “greater than love for women” as romantic and committed. An MCC minister has written a book referencing these relationships in the following: The Children are Free, by Jeff Miner.

If you wish to read further, I recommend his book.

Now for your 2nd question: Would you have ever supported homosexuals if Ray had never came out?

I wrote to a facebook friend of a friend who asked me the same question, and I’ll copy it here: http://myheartgoesout-carol.blogspot.com/2009/05/letter-to.html

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Soulforce Regrets to Announce the Resignation of its Executive Director

The following e-mail announcement was made yesterday, November 10, 2009. I will miss Jeff Lutes as the executive director of Soulforce, and welcome the interim (and acting executive director) successor. That person is Bill Carpenter, who has a long history with Soulforce and equal rights activism among Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender/Queer/Questioning folk.

I want to thank Jeff publicly for being an example of love, faith, and family, as he has worked to share with the religious people the truth about being gay and Christian. His leadership and generous live is obvious, and I commend him for all that he's done.

Many heartfelt thanks to Jeff for his service to Soulforce.



Soulforce Regrets to Announce the Resignation of Our Executive Director

Brief Video of Jeff Lutes


A Message from Soulforce Co-Founder Mel White:

Soulforce regrets to announce the resignation of our Executive Director, Jeff Lutes, after nearly four years of dedicated service. Jeff has chosen at this time to return to his family counseling practice in Austin, Texas, and to spend more quality time with his husband, Gary Stein, and their three young children, Niko, Trei, and Jole'. You may stay in touch with Jeff at www.jefflutespsychotherapy.com.

The Soulforce board of directors has appointed Bill Carpenter, who has served as Director of National Actions for many years, as Interim Executive Director. Bill will work with Soulforce staff to continue operations of the organization, including the upcoming Equality Ride in early 2010. Bill has a long history of service to Soulforce, since our very first action in Lynchburg, Virginia in 1999, and I'm grateful to him for taking this role at an important time in Soulforce history. I believe he is uniquely qualified to serve as Interim Executive Director while we undertake a nationwide search for the next Executive Director of Soulforce.

In January 2006, Jeff succeeded me as Executive Director of Soulforce. We are grateful for all he has accomplished in his time as Soulforce Executive Director. Here are a few examples:

* Organized nonviolent direct actions in 2005 and 2006 outside the world headquarters of Focus on the Family. Those protests clearly demonstrated the tragic consequences of James Dobson and his antigay rhetoric and are featured in the films For The Bible Tells Me So and SoleJourney, both distributed by First Run Features.
* Originated the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference in 2007 which exposed the misinformation campaign of Exodus International and spoke clearly to the damage being done by its ex-gay ministries across the country. The conference brought 200 survivors of ex-gay ministries together from all around the world for healing and empowerment. This much needed event received coverage on NPR and media outlets across the country, including CNN's Paula Zahn.
* Created The American Family Outing in 2008 which took dozens of LGBT couples and their children to dialogue with mega-church leaders Rick Warren, Joel Osteen, Bill Hybels, Bishop T.D. Jakes, Bishop Harry Jackson, and Bishop Eddie Long.
* Originated Seven Straight Nights for Equal Rights which created rallies and vigils in 2007 and 2008 by heterosexual allies in 38 cities in 28 different states across the country.
* Wrote the popular Soulforce booklets What the Science Says - And Doesn't Say - About Homosexuality, and A False Focus on My Family.
* Produced Dear Dr. Dobson: An Open Letter Video , the DVD that challenges the antigay rhetoric of James Dobson and warns of its tragic consequences in the lives of LGBT people, their friends and families.
* Managed Soulforce during the birth of our young adults program, Soulforce Q, and the first three Equality Rides.
* Strengthened the reputation of Soulforce through countless print, radio and television interviews and by speaking at dozens of churches, universities and rallies around the country.

Jeff Lutes has led Soulforce through challenging times and we are grateful. Jeff will continue to write and speak powerfully about the role of relentless nonviolent resistance in our struggle against religion-based oppression. Again, we thank Jeff for his role in strengthening Soulforce and for modeling in his own life what it means to be a man of faith committed to doing justice on behalf of all those who suffer religion-based oppression.

- Mel White, Soulforce Co-Founder
November, 2009


Brief Video of Jeff Lutes

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

a welcome, positive change of heart from an old friend

I have been slow to post lately, but even some of my family think I'm way to pre-occupied with "other things." I just need to work really hard to catch up with e-mails and do a blog entry so that you all don't forget me!

Yesterday I got a very welcome facebook message, from a friend I used to attend church with. She and I ended up talking on the phone, and she gave me permission to share her e-mail. Not only was she involved in a cultish church that I also attended (35 years ago), but she also unknowingly married a gay man (and she is straight). Fortunately she is getting the support she needs these days, and her message really was a lift to me when I got it. I will use it here:

Hi Carol,

I am not sure if you remember me. I use to go to GFT. I am [someone I know's] oldest daughter. I got caught up in the craziness of Ferris Miller's group and have been putting my life back together. It has been an interesting and humbling journey. My world view has radically changed on almost ever subject. I am currently enrolled in college with the long term goal to go into the mental health field specializing in trauma. I have have been networking with the International Cultic Studies Association and started working on a book about my own journey into a biblical base cult and recovery called, Stepping through the looking glass; a survivors guide to understanding cults, domestic violence and other adverse environments. My priest lent me a book that helped me totally change my view on the issues individuals who are gay face.( When I go to church, which is rare I go to an Episcopalian church. I like the fact everyone is welcome and people can be openly who they are.) I would like to volunteer some time to an organization that is an advocacy or support to those facing the challenges society forces them to deal with when a person is gay. I do not have the idea of love the sinner not the sin. I simply have the idea of love...love every one. My former husband is gay but is a very homophobic about his orientation. His own struggles was a component of the abuse I faced. I am heart broken [former husband's name] could never be honest about his own struggle in a judgment free environment. Miller's solutions only made everything worse. Right now I am recovering from abuse issues from domestic violence so volunteering in that area is too close to home. However, I do want to do something for someone else. I read the article of Ray's coming out. It was a beautiful testament to your love and compassion. After years of being in Ferris's group I did not think there were people who actually loved and cared they way you and your family does. The article did a great deal towards restoring something in my own life. Thank you for your courage in allowing a very personal story to be told so publicly. I have seen the hate that so many in the church can be a part of and witnessed first hands the abuse of religion. I am just one person putting my life together who would like to extent any kind of help to a cause that is helping others live a meaningful exsistance. If you could make any recommendations I would appreciate it . I heard that you are involved in some organizations and was hoping you could make some suggestions.Thank you for taking a moment to read my email. I look foreword to hearing back from you. You, Ray and your family are in my thoughts often. I respect and admire all of you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.


This is the kind of change that really IS possible! Thanks for sharing :)

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Some say that Christians don't really hate gay people. What do you think?

I don't make it up. They really are mean. Here's a sample from earlier this week. Just saying...


From: James *******
Email: r***********@gmail.com

Comments: Ray,

You should get a gun and shot yourself in the head. Its sick people like you who really need to read the word of God. You should also give back the Dove Awards because you dont deserve the accolades of success.



____________________________________________________________________________________
From: IHMS
Email: ************@hotmail.com

Comments: I will be praying for you, but until you come to the knowledge of the truth, I will as a matter of principle get rid of all your music.

Christian Author

___________________________________________________________________________________


From: John ********
Email: **************@yahoo.com

Comments: I am so ashamed of you, not as an artist, because most artists are not good representatvies of Jesus Christ anyways, but as a well known Christian. You cannot look at homosexuality in light of the Bible and say that it is not sin. In Romans and Corinthians, it is mentioned as sin, and is listed as an abomination worth destroying cities in the Old Testament.
I understand if you have a problem, but I believe that you know the difference. Just because a person is addicted to drugs, doesn\'t mean that it is ok. If you\'re addicted to homosexuality, then you need spiritual help. You have done more to destroy Moral values in Christianity than any other person that I have ever heard or seen. For someone to sing the great songs that you sung in the 80\'s and 90\'s, and now to be an open homosexual is a slap in the face to the one that died for you. I am praying that you will repent, and may God have mercy on you.



____________________________________________________________________________________
From: K M
Email: **************@aol.com


Comments: RAY,
YOU can rationalize all you want about coming out. But, in the end it affect\'s your wife, your children, your mother , your father. Let me know how your family is in 10 years by the decision you made today. Love in Christ, KM

Sunday, September 13, 2009

One year since Ray came out

Yesterday I realized it had been one year to the day since Ray came out publicly. What a year it's been. First off, there was one after another supportive e-mails to the website. That was within the first few hours. Then the FLOOD of, "I can't believe it...", "I'm so disappointed...", and, "How could Ray have chosen the gay lifestyle...?". I began to make some folders for the different responses. These folders were 1) Supportive, 2) Non-supportive, 3) Oddly supportive. Sub-folders under the non-supportive ones were a) Stupid, and b) Downright mean. I have 1000s of each type, and I keep getting them all the time.

But what are the real, personal changes that have occurred since LAST Sept. 12?

For one, I could finally walk in the open! I was no longer closeted! I always had felt I did nothing to be ashamed of, and I could now hold my head high and not worry about what people knew or didn't know. If I wanted to, I could be open about my life and my family (including Ray, if it was pertinent).

Two, I started being open online. I started this blog. And through the blog, I began to make contacts with other wives, ex-wives, husbands and ex-husbands, who knew FIRST-HAND what it was like to have a GLBT spouse. I often hear from both sides, and I sympathize with them all. Many married in hope that they would be "healed" or "fixed" from gay feelings, along with real love for their spouses, only to realize sooner or later that they were still gay. Lives, entwined with family obligations, became tangled and hurt. It's amazing how these online connections not only help to know, "I'm not alone," for us all, but how widespread mixed-orientation marriages really are.

Thirdly, I am now an outspoken advocate for gay rights. I don't have to be a silent partner in the work to end religious discrimination against GLBTQs. Outside of the religious network of churches, there really is a growing acceptance of gay people, and so work within our churches is essential. I want to be able to continue speaking up on behalf of ALL gay folk, and I do not have anything to apologize for.

When I make new friends these days, they know within a short while of knowing me, that I'm supportive and affirming of ALL gay people. If they don't agree or can't see it like I do, then they have to decide if I'm still worth their friendship. I'm making new friends these days, and if they aren't at the very least WELCOMING of GLBTs, then they probably won't be in my close circle of friends. My life can't be closed off any more, and I won't be silent.

Also, my kids now have the freedom to mention their dad, and they do, without shame. They can openly be proud of their dad and all he's done and who he is: Their DAD! They don't have to make excuses, and can speak up as being the close family that they are. No secrets keep them hemming and hawing about anything. They love and respect their dad, and are not restricted by trying to cover up any part of their lives.

All together, I think it is generally known how I feel. 'Nuff sed.

Today I heard from another straight wife, who found out earlier this year that her husband has been secretly sexually active with other men for the past 4 years. My heart aches for her and what she's enduring. To make it all worse, she was court-ordered to keep silent. That means she can't talk with her grown sons, her divorce-care group, or her friends. I don't even know if that is legal! How awful to have to bear this with a "gag order" imposed that puts her into the dark, silent closet. What a wrong thing, even if it's legal. There's healing in honesty, and this woman needs to be able to openly say what she needs to say, in order to begin her healing. She hopes to someday be openly affirming as well. Kudos to her!

Openness and honesty is freeing, and it's life-changing when we have information that makes such a difference. For me, being out of the closet is much better. My life is worth sharing, ALL of it. I'm who I am. Ray's who he is. My kids have a gay dad - that's that!

It's been a big year for the Boltz family! Yeah for being OUT!