I'm jealous.

It's late, and I had a late nap on the couch.  That means I'm up and playing Bejeweled 3.  Yay for video games.  In between frustrating sets of the stupid game that keeps me occupied mindlessly, I check facebook.   I see things that make me jealous:  a sweet, young wife, pregnant with her 3rd baby in 4 years; a couple retiring happily to the south.  I am ashamed to feel this way - that I have lost my favorite stories, lost my future... All these feelings crash into me, and I turn them over in my mind as I match jewels and hear the crashes of the computer game.  What's wrong with me? 

Every day in the gift shop, I approach people to ask, "May I help you find anything?" or, "Are you looking for something I can help you with?" Often the answer is "I'm just killing time while my husband has a test." or "I had to come down from the room - my sister is having chemo."  Sometimes it's the chemo patient themselves, and sometimes it's the family of a new baby.  As a destination in the hospital, we are a place for visitors to either celebrate happy events, or sometimes to get away from their problems.  I try to be friendly to them all - while also being aware of privacy issues. 

As one deals with "the public," it's easy to make assumptions based on appearance.  I don't want to prefer the well-dressed, white-haired, retired-from General Motors woman or man, over the oddly-attired, needs a root-job and a job, older-than-her-years, probably-an-alcoholic woman who tells me too much information.  Sure, it's easier to do that, but all the visitors who walk in the door deserve my respect.  I recognize that each one has a life and came from a family - and they all are worth the brief time that I'm spending with them, no matter why they come through the door.

Sitting at my video game/facebook-checking desk, I wonder about my day and my feelings:  "Who is looking at my life, thinking THEY have been cheated?"  Do I come off as a "has-it-together, healthy, employed-with-benefits, obviously too-well-fed," person?  Does anyone see me and think, "I ought to have her life."?  (If they only knew the rest of the story.)

I realize these are just introspective ramblings, but they are my thoughts today.