Saturday, July 7, 2012

"Cool" is relative.

I ventured outside today, and since it is only 97* right now, it feels cool.  Yesterday it was 104* on my car thermometer.  Those can be inaccurate of course, but it felt hotter yesterday.  Today could hardly be considered normal weather for June in Indiana.  It's dad-blame HOT.

Someone commented today, as is often the case, with instructions about how "wrong" I am to be gay-supportive.  I was glad to publish the comment as well as write a short reply, since today I have the time to do so. - look for today's date.  While I have no wish that families break up, I repeat and say again:  Being gay is not sinful. 

There is real tragedy when mixed-orientation marriages happen.  Especially when the people getting married are not fully honest when they enter into marriage.  It's usually the false hope by the gay person that with love and enough commitment, the same-sex attractions will be suppressed.  Sometimes they have been counseled by well-meaning Christians that if they pray, dedicate "the problem" to the Lord, and never act on their desires, that the desires will go away/dissipate.  Sometimes the gay person is asked to be accountable to someone "overseeing" them.  They are asked to give up computer passwords, facebook pages, and account for spare time - all with the expectation that they won't be GAY any more.  It doesn't work.  Eventually, whether or not they "act" on their desires, there are consequences.  Either there is an affair, or psychological breakdown, or simply a loss of emotion - and it's not how anyone should live. 

While I know that some may not agree, many don't have my perspective.  I know the feelings I've lived through, and I know what my life has been.  I know how hot it is outside, and I know how it felt yesterday.  I know.

If you want me to read what Leviticus says, well, that's an old book, written when times and the culture was vastly different than today.  And there are LOTS of things we disregard in Leviticus and the rest of the Bible.  We eat shrimp and pork, and we work (drive cars, play games, and throw footballs - i.e. pig skins) on Sunday.  There was a time when tomatoes were "forbidden fruit."  No more.  Divorce is legal.  I don't wear dresses all the time.  I cut my hair.  When I let it grow long, I've been known to plait it.  I wear rings - GOLD rings that don't signify marriage!   I am female, I'm not married, I live on my own, and I handle my own affairs - new ideas to the 20th Century.

It may appear to you as scandalous, but when it comes to likening being gay with what people point out in the Bible, I disregard those arguments. While you may disregard me, I have this to say:  
"Oh, well."

Here are some simple reasons that justify my position, and I don't care to write a long defense on these statements. 

1 - In Genesis, the story of Sodom and Gomorrah is probably the story of same-sex rape.
2 - Don't point to Leviticus to prove your point, unless you adhere to ALL the rest of the rules/law in the entire Old Testament.  Even if you do, those who are glbt are just who they are.  Leave them alone.
3 - Jesus never talked about homosexuality.  Period.
4 - I accept life, and things happen.  It's rough and I don't like all of it.  I just have to go forward and stand up for gay people.  A lot of them are Christian, some are not. 
5 - I choose to be Christian.  I didn't choose my sexual orientation, nor do others choose theirs. 


Jack Scott said...

Carol, I ran across your blog by following some other blogs.

I am a married bisexual man. I blog as Jack Scott at

I want to tell you how refreshing it is to encounter a woman such as yourself blogging on line. Most of the women in your position who blog do so out of anger and hurt and a desire to exact retribution on the men who once were their husbands and who they now see as monsters or the devil incarnate.

As you correctly point out homosexual men and bisexual men have made no choices. They simply are compelled to play the hand they were dealt in life.

As you also correctly point out, homosexual men often marry thinking the love of a woman and beginning a family will change them. They are devastated when that doesn't happen.

Bisexual men such as myself marry because we truly love women and need them in our lives. We are just like heterosexual men in every way except that no matter how good our women are for us, we still have sexual attractions to males and a real need to be close to another male.

I have been lucky. My wife is a psychotherapist who is a professional counselor specializing in marriage counseling. She understands my sexuality and that I did not choose it. She accepts me as I am and she is secure in my love for her.

I often hear from women who have found my blog and are married to a gay or bisexual man. I've never heard from a woman who does not want to save her marriage. Most are willing to do anything to save it.

With their understanding and with the understanding of their husbands of their own bisexuality, the marriage can often survive.

Unfortunately, many marriages involving a homosexual man simply cannot be successful. The compelling need to have a primary relationship with another man is often simply too strong.

I hope you will remain stedfast in your understanding of this tragic issue. I do think as acceptance of gays increases there will be fewer women like yourself who become the victims of mixed orientation marriage.

You have handled it well. God bless you.

Jack Scott

Wormwood's Doxy said...

Right there with you, sister!

I will note, however, that most reputable biblical scholars do NOT believe that the story of Sodom and Gomorrah is about homosexuality. It is about violating a chief tenet of Jewish faith--the need to welcome the stranger--and doing so in a violent way.

If that story is about homosexuality, what are we to make of the fact that Lot offers to hand his own DAUGHTERS over to a gang of rapists?


Carol said...

Hi there Doxy! Thanks for adding the info for the readers about Sodom/Gomorrah. I had a hard time accepting that it was a story of inhospitable behavior, until I saw Peterson (Toscano)'s drama - and he likened the things done to strangers to what had been done at the prison,
Abu Ghraib. I "got it" then.

And people just seem to forget that Lot served up his own daughters to the visitors. (Thank goodness I didn't live back then.) Plus, if you read later about Lot, he got drunk and fathered his own
grandkids! (Correct me here if I'm wrong.)

deb said...

Well said, Carol!

Maggie said...

Carol, you rock! Too bad more people don't believe as you do.

Thomas Wade said...

I agree with most of your listed points except point 3. Jesus did talk about homosexuality...and not in a negative way.

If you look at Matthew chapter 19 Jesus talks about marriage and divorce. Then the disciples ask him is it better not to be married because divorce was so difficult. Then Jesus warns that not everyone will except this but some are eunuchs from very birth. Other's are made that way by men. And other's choose to make themselves eunuchs.

It is my belief that Eunuch's that are born that way are gay people. Jesus did warn us that not everyone would except this. But I believe Jesus addressed homosexual's in that statement while exempting them from adam-eve style marriage.

I think it is in verse 11.

Anonymous said...

There is one thing that I find problematic. You said Jesus never addressed homosexuality. However, Jesus DID address marriage. He reiterated what was established in Genesis in Matthew chapter 19. He also discusses divorce, and while it' was and still is legal, He makes it clear that it's not God's plan for marriage. I know that customs and cultures change, but that doesn't mean that they always align with God's word. By the way, I want to make it clear that I am not taking a "holier than thou" stance. I am divorced and both of my sons are gay. I am humbly trying to make sense of all this.