Self-preservaton. I wonder, when does that kick in on a more intense level than our willingness to persevere and DO things that we want or need to do? I probably could do the sale, but would it be in my own best interest? Even with all the work involved, the actual SALE time would be fun, with socializing with co-workers, meeting new co-workers, and sharing the satisfaction of a job achieved and well-done. I LIKE meeting rummage-salers. I WANTED to make some extra cash. I WISH I could clear out some of the clutter that I seem to collect without trying. All these intended goals meant that a big ol' RUMMAGE SALE could achieve what I wanted to do!
BUT, when it got to last night, the time when I needed to load the tables, carry all the boxes, and pack the vehicle to be ready for Saturday, I just really, really hurt, and I couldn't see following through. Maybe later, maybe with some family input (hint, hint), but not tomorrow.
Something about working hard feels good. There is disappointment in not getting to do the sale. I even tried to do a sale last week in my garage, but the heat was a setback. I mean, the weatherperson said it was supposed to feel like 100*! Who wants to have or GO to a rummage when it's that hot? Yesterday I decided to run an ad in the paper (so that I could run it today, get rid of some stuff prior to the employee rummage, and I would have less to lug over there). I submitted the information as soon as I got home from work, but I got a call an hour later that I'd missed the deadline. All these things have been roadblocks to me and my RUMMAGE sale efforts!
And so I ask you: What is up in the meaning of LIFE that I can't get a crummy garage sale going?
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2 comments:
I think us girls are going to have one at Amanda's parent's house on July 10th...Talk to Sara, I bet she'd put your stuff in it if you're still not feeling up to it. Hope you get to feeling better!
Carol, first, this is the first time I've found your blog. I was amazed with your comments on the "GCN Radio" segment you did - very, very touching.
Second - I work with a lot of folks in recovery. Folks who are newly sober are frequently told, "You are frequently told to 'do what you can' - not 'do what you can't.' "
A similar tale: I am an overweight man who has been riding a bike for 5-7 miles a day. Two weeks ago, I committed to ride with my partner in a local bike ride. He would ride 35 miles, I would commit to 17. A week before the ride, I developed gout in my right foot. Three days before the ride, I could barely stand on it. I got some medicine, got a little better, and tried the ride. I got about 4 miles out, and had to turn around. It just hurt too much.
Now, I'm sure I could have gone on for another 11 miles, and finished the ride. I probably would have been all-but-crippled, and would have set back my recovery a week or so...but I would have "finished." I had to choose between doing the right thing (surrendering to the fact that I wasn't going to get this ride done) or do the prideful thing, say to myself, "Look, I did it! I finished!", and then be miserable for an extended period of time afterward.
I will ask you your question right back to you: What is so important that getting a crummy garage sale going would be worth your health? :-)
An AA friend of mine gave me some excellent advice, years ago: If it doesn't bleed, the hell with it. If it doesn't bleed, it can be repaired, replaced, rescheduled, redone. People...people are what really matter.
My prayer is that you AND Ray can be gentle with yourselves. You deserve it.
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