It's late, and I had a late nap on the couch. That means I'm up and playing Bejeweled 3. Yay for video games. In between frustrating sets of the stupid game that keeps me occupied mindlessly, I check facebook. I see things that make me jealous: a sweet, young wife, pregnant with her 3rd baby in 4 years; a couple retiring happily to the south. I am ashamed to feel this way - that I have lost my favorite stories, lost my future... All these feelings crash into me, and I turn them over in my mind as I match jewels and hear the crashes of the computer game. What's wrong with me?
Every day in the gift shop, I approach people to ask, "May I help you find anything?" or, "Are you looking for something I can help you with?" Often the answer is "I'm just killing time while my husband has a test." or "I had to come down from the room - my sister is having chemo." Sometimes it's the chemo patient themselves, and sometimes it's the family of a new baby. As a destination in the hospital, we are a place for visitors to either celebrate happy events, or sometimes to get away from their problems. I try to be friendly to them all - while also being aware of privacy issues.
As one deals with "the public," it's easy to make assumptions based on appearance. I don't want to prefer the well-dressed, white-haired, retired-from General Motors woman or man, over the oddly-attired, needs a root-job and a job, older-than-her-years, probably-an-alcoholic woman who tells me too much information. Sure, it's easier to do that, but all the visitors who walk in the door deserve my respect. I recognize that each one has a life and came from a family - and they all are worth the brief time that I'm spending with them, no matter why they come through the door.
Sitting at my video game/facebook-checking desk, I wonder about my day and my feelings: "Who is looking at my life, thinking THEY have been cheated?" Do I come off as a "has-it-together, healthy, employed-with-benefits, obviously too-well-fed," person? Does anyone see me and think, "I ought to have her life."? (If they only knew the rest of the story.)
I realize these are just introspective ramblings, but they are my thoughts today.
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2 years ago