Friday, April 17, 2009

...just a small bruise on my hand...and gay marriage

I looked at the back of my hand and I saw a small bruise. I'm only 56, and I don't get "old people bruises." At least, not yet. I must have hit it on something - you know, the kind of bruise that just shows up? Some questions ran through my mind - like, where did that come from? when did I hit my hand? but it was not a big deal at all.

I showed it to Ray when he visited for Easter. It was just a little bruise - not a worry or care. I just showed him because I knew he'd listen to me. And then I felt this awful loss - that he's not here all the time.

There are so many times when that happens, and I never even think about it. But it was a holiday - when I used to expect all my kids to sit in church with me. I always dressed them up when they were little - as much as son Phil would allow me to - but the traditional "Easter outfits" would be cause enough to take a picture outside with the daffodils, or tulips, or whatever was blooming when Easter occurred. And I felt a connection to other springs, and the connection always felt good.

But back to the bruise...

I've always figured that if I'm feeling something, there must be someone, somewhere, who is feeling that same emotion. I'm not sure how to relate this except by example. For example, one time at a Full Gospel Businessmen's dinner, I was seated with strangers while Ray was at the "head table," with the speakers. (Never mind that women never sat up there!) As hard as I tried to fit in with my table-mates, it just didn't happen. I wondered how many others came to that meeting, hoping to find a friend or connect with others, and left feeling ostracized, alone.

Another time I was immediately offended by a guest speaker at church, and I went to him at the end of the service and asked some pretty direct questions about his delivery. I got nowhere. It wasn't until months later, but I did find that other people also had issues with this [deleted] (He nearly ruined the church, btw, but that is another story.)

These days I feel for the glbt community, and I think about when I feel like they do. I looked at that bruise on my hand, and I felt alone. And I think about all the other people who are denied the partnership of the ones that they love. Some say that gay people should, "deny their sexual feelings," but it isn't all about that. It's about that small bruise that you want to show, and to have a loved one say, "awww, what happened?"

There are all the times when we have others around us, when we have a daughter, or husband, or son, or mom or dad, and we just want to tell them about our day - and we don't want to be alone. We want to have someone to help with dishes, share a sandwich, or admire the dog's ability to go for a stick thrown on a spring day. Why can anyone deny this to another human being? How can you oppose loving relationships, just because someone is gay? This issue that is facing so many in our country today is NOT all about sex - it's about companionship, going through life together, and about love. It's about a little bruise on the back of the hand, and caring that it simply happened, and that it will heal.


Daniel said...

Carol, That is a beautiful post.
ANd I'm 32 and get bruises that I do not know how I got. So don't feel old! ;)
It is refreshing to hear that someone (who is not gay) get's that homosexuality is about more than sex. The companionship, compassion and shared moments I have with my partner... have been life changing for me.
You are a wonderful writer, with a beautiful balance of compassion, wisdom and vulnerability.

Jones said...

Beautifully written. I have enjoyed reading your blog and want to thank you for your love and openness towards the gay and lesbian community. Thank you for that. For recognizing that people are people, and that love between people whether straight or gay is just that, love. So much more than the physical. You write beautifully and I hope you know just how much your blog touches lives. Be encouraged and once again, thank you for the love that you share from your heart.

Carol said...

Thank you, Daniel and Jones - I should comment more when I see new people join in the comments. It makes me blush when I get these compliments. I'm just trying to convey what's in my heart.

Peace to you, and hugs. :)

angie said...

I have never seen anyone communicate it any better. Thank you. Too bad my parents won't read your blog

Existential Punk said...


AGAIN, well done and well said! You should write a book! i am so serious!

THANKS again for your love, support and friendship!


brittanicals said...

Hi, Carol.

I know it doesn't make up at all for you loss, but I want you to know that so many of us are "hearing" your bruises, and care that you hurt. Keep writing, I love what you have to say. And I want you to know that there is a place for you in so many hearts.

Btw, you are exactly my husband's age! I am fourteen years younger, though, and find weird bruises all the time...I suspect the're a "gift" from my garden.

Anonymous said...

I stumbled upon this blog, and Carol, I can not express how beautiful and touching your post was. I had many gay friends who died 20 plus years ago from the AIDS epidemic, so I know no one now at my age who is gay. My boys are both into girls, and unfortunately in their age group, early 20's, they do not have compassion or understanding of the gay community. Having lost so many friends, I am very excepting of other people and their lifestyles. Gay people deserve the same rights and benefits as any other human being. I am keeping this, and hoping one day my children, their friends will understand,we are all the same, we all what love and companionship, and it's our right to be happy and is not our rate to decide who gets to be happy in life. I am your age, and I find it seems we are the ones who the most accepting because we lost so many friends, and saw what happened to our friends, and how they were treated for being different. The younger generation doesn't seem to be as understanding and accepting as we are since they have not experienced loss. Your words are beautiful, and God Bless You. Got let me to your blog, just searching for why I have, Old Lady Bruises on the back of my hand.