I looked at the back of my hand and I saw a small bruise. I'm only 56, and I don't get "old people bruises." At least, not yet. I must have hit it on something - you know, the kind of bruise that just shows up? Some questions ran through my mind - like, where did that come from? when did I hit my hand? but it was not a big deal at all.
I showed it to Ray when he visited for Easter. It was just a little bruise - not a worry or care. I just showed him because I knew he'd listen to me. And then I felt this awful loss - that he's not here all the time.
There are so many times when that happens, and I never even think about it. But it was a holiday - when I used to expect all my kids to sit in church with me. I always dressed them up when they were little - as much as son Phil would allow me to - but the traditional "Easter outfits" would be cause enough to take a picture outside with the daffodils, or tulips, or whatever was blooming when Easter occurred. And I felt a connection to other springs, and the connection always felt good.
But back to the bruise...
I've always figured that if I'm feeling something, there must be someone, somewhere, who is feeling that same emotion. I'm not sure how to relate this except by example. For example, one time at a Full Gospel Businessmen's dinner, I was seated with strangers while Ray was at the "head table," with the speakers. (Never mind that women never sat up there!) As hard as I tried to fit in with my table-mates, it just didn't happen. I wondered how many others came to that meeting, hoping to find a friend or connect with others, and left feeling ostracized, alone.
Another time I was immediately offended by a guest speaker at church, and I went to him at the end of the service and asked some pretty direct questions about his delivery. I got nowhere. It wasn't until months later, but I did find that other people also had issues with this [deleted]...um...jerk. (He nearly ruined the church, btw, but that is another story.)
These days I feel for the glbt community, and I think about when I feel like they do. I looked at that bruise on my hand, and I felt alone. And I think about all the other people who are denied the partnership of the ones that they love. Some say that gay people should, "deny their sexual feelings," but it isn't all about that. It's about that small bruise that you want to show, and to have a loved one say, "awww, what happened?"
There are all the times when we have others around us, when we have a daughter, or husband, or son, or mom or dad, and we just want to tell them about our day - and we don't want to be alone. We want to have someone to help with dishes, share a sandwich, or admire the dog's ability to go for a stick thrown on a spring day. Why can anyone deny this to another human being? How can you oppose loving relationships, just because someone is gay? This issue that is facing so many in our country today is NOT all about sex - it's about companionship, going through life together, and about love. It's about a little bruise on the back of the hand, and caring that it simply happened, and that it will heal.
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2 years ago