Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Call-in radio with Kim Iverson

It was raining and I was driving down McGalliard Road, the one with all the food places, and I was listening to Kim Iverson on 99.5. I was ready to get home as soon as I could, when she came to the call-in topic, "...and he's been married for 11 years, has 3 kids, and he thinks he might be gay. What do you think?"

What did I think? I thought: I have to call in! So I did. I pulled off the road, parked in the parking lot of a drug store, and called the number! Whether or not I said all that I intended, in the best way I could, in the context of a radio call-in show, maybe not. But I did get to express myself! I spoke up and basically said this:

"I think this guy has an obligation to his family, and should support them. But I also must disagree with the other callers, because "straight men don't want to have sex with other men. That would make them gay." *

*(direct quote from Tim, over at Deep Thoughts from a Shallow Mind)

I told Kim that I am familiar with the topic, since I was married to a man who came out as gay after 30 years of marriage. Then she became interested, at least by her questions she was. There were the shocked questions of, "Didn't you know?" and, "Did you have sex?" etc., etc.

So here I was, being "interviewed" by a nationally-syndicated radio host, talking about a subject so close to my heart - the closest. I felt like I did pretty well, and I was especially glad that I didn't cry! I guess I've spoken up enough in the last while or so (it's been over 4 years since Ray came out to me) that it isn't as raw as it used to be. Still there is heartbreak, and I said that. I never can forget that for myself or all the others who experience it, and I was thinking of this family - the wife married for 11 years, the 3 kids, and the dad who "thinks he might be gay."

When Kim asked me, all I could say about what he should do is that I knew that my husband ended up severely depressed, unable to work, and suicidal. The "feelings" don't go away, and this man needs to be honest. I came through it, because of how my husband lived, as very gay-affirming. I mentioned that there is support online for straight spouses through Straight Spouse Network, and that I am active with Soulforce, an organization that works for equal rights for lesbian and gay people. Did I say all that? Not sure, or not sure if I said it effectively. I did the best I could, short notice, nervous, and unplanned.

Hopefully there will be some help in that larger arena - for some who might not read this little blog. I realize this was just a mere call-in radio topic, one that gets on and off in less than five or ten minutes. But it DOES get people talking. And I said my piece (or is it peace?) and I hope someone can be more honest, more real, more healthy. I hope that someone can realize BEFORE they marry or have children that their true attractions are acceptable, and heartbreak can be averted.

What would YOU have said?


hillsideslide said...

Way to go!!!

Existential Punk said...

GREAT JOB, CAROL! i am SO VERY PROUD of you. i am also sorry where there is still pain and anguish for you. May you find continual peace!

Much love, respect and admiration!


Cindy Morris said...

Way to go, Carol and so proud of you for putting yourself out there. Who better than you can we learn from, as you have lived through the pain and in spite of it all you have so much love and compassion for others.
Love ya!

Tim Morris said...

What would I say? I'd say, I have this friend Carol...

Anonymous said...

Good for you for calling!! What courage it takes for you to speak out openly. You really are the picture of grace, and I learn from you every time I come here.
You are an inspiration.

Mark said...

pretty much what you said if I'd had the presence of mind.

Good on you. Sharing something that personal and being vulnerable has got to have been heard by someone who really needed to hear it.


Anonymous said...

yay, Carol! Nice!

I think you did the best thing possible. You stuck with your story. Not only are you an authority based on your story, but people respond better to stories than stats and such.

Kim said...


I just came across your blog by chance (believe it or not) and I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your thoughts on my show. You're insight was very valuable and interesting. You truly shine as pillar of strength.

Thanks again for listening and thanks even more for calling.

Kim Iverson