What did I think? I thought: I have to call in! So I did. I pulled off the road, parked in the parking lot of a drug store, and called the number! Whether or not I said all that I intended, in the best way I could, in the context of a radio call-in show, maybe not. But I did get to express myself! I spoke up and basically said this:
"I think this guy has an obligation to his family, and should support them. But I also must disagree with the other callers, because "straight men don't want to have sex with other men. That would make them gay." *
*(direct quote from Tim, over at Deep Thoughts from a Shallow Mind)
I told Kim that I am familiar with the topic, since I was married to a man who came out as gay after 30 years of marriage. Then she became interested, at least by her questions she was. There were the shocked questions of, "Didn't you know?" and, "Did you have sex?" etc., etc.
So here I was, being "interviewed" by a nationally-syndicated radio host, talking about a subject so close to my heart - the closest. I felt like I did pretty well, and I was especially glad that I didn't cry! I guess I've spoken up enough in the last while or so (it's been over 4 years since Ray came out to me) that it isn't as raw as it used to be. Still there is heartbreak, and I said that. I never can forget that for myself or all the others who experience it, and I was thinking of this family - the wife married for 11 years, the 3 kids, and the dad who "thinks he might be gay."
When Kim asked me, all I could say about what he should do is that I knew that my husband ended up severely depressed, unable to work, and suicidal. The "feelings" don't go away, and this man needs to be honest. I came through it, because of how my husband lived, as very gay-affirming. I mentioned that there is support online for straight spouses through Straight Spouse Network, and that I am active with Soulforce, an organization that works for equal rights for lesbian and gay people. Did I say all that? Not sure, or not sure if I said it effectively. I did the best I could, short notice, nervous, and unplanned.
Hopefully there will be some help in that larger arena - for some who might not read this little blog. I realize this was just a mere call-in radio topic, one that gets on and off in less than five or ten minutes. But it DOES get people talking. And I said my piece (or is it peace?) and I hope someone can be more honest, more real, more healthy. I hope that someone can realize BEFORE they marry or have children that their true attractions are acceptable, and heartbreak can be averted.
What would YOU have said?
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