It appears to me that I'm losing patience with people who oppose me or are critical of my views. I've been "nice" about to my limit.
Yesterday my friend, Betty, pointed out levels of decision-making, I suppose it was, that she's been reading about. She described three levels. There are visceral reactions of anger and the "fight or flight" mode, referred to as reptilian. Then there are reactions which can be filed under a more mammalian level, and love falls in that category. Finally, the highest level would be toward reason, and we couldn't figure out exactly what creature type that would be, but we still understood that the third level would be most desirable. Maybe a blue creature like the Na'vi of Avatar?
As hard as I've tried to stay within the two higher levels, where I use love and reason, sometimes I slip right into CHOMPING ALLIGATOR mode. It happened when someone turned ugly toward my daughter, who was defending an attack on her dad. I found it totally uncalled-for, and I lashed out. Wrong. It accomplished/accomplishes nothing at all, except to look reptilian.
It gets draining to always respond nicely. As much as I practice and lean on my spiritual connection, it still helps to have the support I get from people like Betty - who "get it." Even at my new job, I was brought to tears yesterday by a co-worker who "gets it" without me having to explain who I am or why I support those I support.
I get astounded by the patience of others who have worked so much longer than I have to bring understanding and build bridges between diverse communities! I feel like progress is coming, and I hope to goodness that I can help in the evolution toward understanding. I don't want to turn into a reptile!