The messages continue, and people outside our family want to confront me. I guess family get-togethers at Christmas are the perfect time to discuss Ray and Carol Boltz. It's interesting how others have the time and "courage" to shoot off a critical e-mail, when they would not be able to sit face-to-face with me and have a talk.
At different times I have offered to talk to friends (and/or strangers) about having a gay husband. Some have instantly turned to the words "abomination," and "sin," and because of that I have needed to form my thoughts so that I can talk in a calm manner, and try to explain that, "it's not what you do, it's who you are." Those were words that Ray used to help me understand when, four years ago this week, I was in the same place as some of those who now are making their judgments.
I've observed that most of the messages fall into two categories: 1) Ray has chosen to become homosexual. Or 2) Ray was never saved, and he deceived us as he sang the very words that he wrote.
My responses now, and it is not my intent to be sarcastic or flippant, are: to #1 - Why would anyone CHOOSE to be gay, when others will hate you, turn from you, and say hateful things to you and about you. It will mean the end of your life and livelihood as you've known it. You will be rejected by those who professed to love you and the songs you wrote. To "choose" that just doesn't make sense.
To those who think #2, I just think you never knew Ray. And I wonder if you know God.
God, who send his son, Jesus, by way of a young unmarried girl named Mary. Mary, who could have been stoned for her supposed sin. And this baby was entrusted into the family of Joseph, who without his honor to step up and marry his fiancee', would have sent her to her death, and hence the death of God's son. And in the end, I'm sure Mary must have wondered, "why, God?", when her oldest son died on a cross for sins he didn't commit.
God, who uses ways that we don't understand, and somehow, some way, we are supposed to learn and grow from the trials in our lives. Life is not easy, and I've discovered that none of us choose our problems. That is something I'd never have known, deep down, like I think I do now, if not for what I've gone through. My wise counselor, Jane, told me, "You never grow or mature without struggle."
And despite the fact that I sometimes rail against God for where I've been placed, I still have that drawing to God, to the help that I also cannot comprehend.
So to those who wish to argue, I'm declining those offers. Maybe we can sit over coffee, and we can have a talk that will mean something. But don't assume that you and I will debate over e-mails or comments, because those will never show me, and it won't show the many changes I've had in the last four years, and it definitely won't prove anything to you. I decline the debates.