Wednesday, May 13, 2009

First Radio Interview

What did I think I was doing? What was I thinking? Why did I think it was a good idea? Unlike my hero, Peterson Toscano, I am NOT a "performance artist." I don't like speaking in public. I always get nervous, and I need to practice when I get in front of people. For all the years I was married to Ray, I have generally stayed in the background rather than speak publicly, and I willingly assumed the role of, "silent wife." I've been perfectly happy to remain silent. So, you ask, What did I do?

I accepted an invitation from Brian Eckstein to be interviewed on GCN Radio.
(GCN = Gay Christian Network)
Oh, dear.

Yup. I did it. Even though I fully believe I have plenty to say, and knowing that I'm a "rare bird," as the [former] straight spouse in my acceptance and activism on behalf of GLBTs and equal rights, as well as being a Christian, I am FREAKED OUT that I had MY voice with MY thoughts that are currently being edited for a program on the GCN Radio program. There, I said it. It made me feel, and I feel now, nervous.

In my life I have graduated from college, raised 4 kids, been involved in the career of a Christian musician/minister. I have served as a leader for fundraising, hosted youth activities, and co-ordinated volunteers for multiple groups. I think I have made it through MAJOR personal difficulties, and I've survived in a healthy way. I've maintained my faith even though it has changed in a major way. I even started this blog, and my ideas and views are totally public. I do not hesitate to let people know, individually, that I am gay-affirming and proud to be so. I have plenty to talk about, but to talk about it and sound like I still have my faculties, and let that be recorded and broadcast? What? What was I thinking? Why did I think that was a good idea? AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

All these thoughts and more are only PART of what went through my head all night last night. So, I'm going to relax, and I have put my interview in the capable hands of Brian, who assures me it was fine. (At least he edits it!) I really did have a good time talking with Brian and Justin Lee, but I can't really tell how it will sound. I actually hope you will listen. It goes up on the website on this Friday.

Oh, what the heck was I thinkin'?

5 comments:

hillsideslide said...

way to go! can't wait to hear it.

Mark said...

Looking forward to listening. I'm sure you did fabulously (if you don't mind that particular adverb :) )

Christine Bakke said...

T. and I just listened to it. It's amazing, as are you. Love you!

Anonymous said...

Carol,

Just listened to your interview on GCN with Brian and Justin. You did a great job -- one you can be proud of. I didn’t realize it until I read your blog post indicating this was your first public interview. I sure couldn’t tell it from the interaction between the three of you.

I continue to pray that God will bless you with opportunities to share your unique insights as a straight spouse and mother. I know this is all a bold step for you that takes you out of your previous comfort zone. God has given you a special platform and voice that only you can utilize. May you continue to find your voice and speak out as God leads.

Blessings,

Henry J.

Judy said...

Carol,

After discovering GCN just a few weeks ago, your & Ray's interviews were among the first archived podcasts that I listened to - SO, SO HELPFUL!!! Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us in the way that you did!!!