What did I think I was doing? What was I thinking? Why did I think it was a good idea? Unlike my hero, Peterson Toscano, I am NOT a "performance artist." I don't like speaking in public. I always get nervous, and I need to practice when I get in front of people. For all the years I was married to Ray, I have generally stayed in the background rather than speak publicly, and I willingly assumed the role of, "silent wife." I've been perfectly happy to remain silent. So, you ask, What did I do?
I accepted an invitation from Brian Eckstein to be interviewed on GCN Radio.
(GCN = Gay Christian Network)
Oh, dear.
Yup. I did it. Even though I fully believe I have plenty to say, and knowing that I'm a "rare bird," as the [former] straight spouse in my acceptance and activism on behalf of GLBTs and equal rights, as well as being a Christian, I am FREAKED OUT that I had MY voice with MY thoughts that are currently being edited for a program on the GCN Radio program. There, I said it. It made me feel, and I feel now, nervous.
In my life I have graduated from college, raised 4 kids, been involved in the career of a Christian musician/minister. I have served as a leader for fundraising, hosted youth activities, and co-ordinated volunteers for multiple groups. I think I have made it through MAJOR personal difficulties, and I've survived in a healthy way. I've maintained my faith even though it has changed in a major way. I even started this blog, and my ideas and views are totally public. I do not hesitate to let people know, individually, that I am gay-affirming and proud to be so. I have plenty to talk about, but to talk about it and sound like I still have my faculties, and let that be recorded and broadcast? What? What was I thinking? Why did I think that was a good idea? AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
All these thoughts and more are only PART of what went through my head all night last night. So, I'm going to relax, and I have put my interview in the capable hands of Brian, who assures me it was fine. (At least he edits it!) I really did have a good time talking with Brian and Justin Lee, but I can't really tell how it will sound. I actually hope you will listen. It goes up on the website on this Friday.
Oh, what the heck was I thinkin'?
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
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5 comments:
way to go! can't wait to hear it.
Looking forward to listening. I'm sure you did fabulously (if you don't mind that particular adverb :) )
T. and I just listened to it. It's amazing, as are you. Love you!
Carol,
Just listened to your interview on GCN with Brian and Justin. You did a great job -- one you can be proud of. I didn’t realize it until I read your blog post indicating this was your first public interview. I sure couldn’t tell it from the interaction between the three of you.
I continue to pray that God will bless you with opportunities to share your unique insights as a straight spouse and mother. I know this is all a bold step for you that takes you out of your previous comfort zone. God has given you a special platform and voice that only you can utilize. May you continue to find your voice and speak out as God leads.
Blessings,
Henry J.
Carol,
After discovering GCN just a few weeks ago, your & Ray's interviews were among the first archived podcasts that I listened to - SO, SO HELPFUL!!! Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us in the way that you did!!!
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