Personal update

Seeing that I haven't written too many blog entries, I would like to share some of the things that are taking my time.  I will list a few changes:

Last April I started a new job!  I was very happy to find something and I'm now manager of a hospital gift shop!  Having co-owned Ray Boltz Music, Inc. for nearly 35 years (part of that prior to when it was incorporated), having done a little online business, and because I had retail experience years ago, I was accepted as "qualified" and I got the job!  I work with a great group of Auxiliary volunteers, have a boss that is super, and I love working at the hospital.  Although I have more than enough paperwork, I also enjoy each person who comes into the shop, and helping buy things for the shop to sell is challenging and a lot of fun. 

In August I gave up the website (www.rayboltz.com) and all that it included.  Ray traveled from Florida to move the office furniture and we signed papers that confirm that Ray Boltz Music, Inc. no longer operates in Indiana.  Ray has worked to set up the website in a totally downloadable way - songs, sheet music, and CDs, all digitally downloadable!  It is nearly ready, and I encourage you to buy here.

Soulforce:  I remain a member of the board of directors, and am proud to serve.  Working to eliminate the prejudice and discrimination against GLBTQs, and do that through non-violent means remains an important passion for me.  In November (Nov. 5-7, 2010) Soulforce will again partner with several gay rights groups for its' SYMPOSIUM in Philadelphia.  

Another thing associated with Soulforce is that at the end of August it was announced that Ray is serving as their "honorary spokesperson."  I'm hoping that each of us can serve to bring more information, freedom, and acceptance to the difficult situation when a spouse reveals their long-hidden sexual orientation.

Grandbabies!  Early this year, daughter Liz and her husband welcomed the one they call (on the internet) "Chuck."  This baby is a joy, and either my daughter or I travel as often as we can so that I can know and hold that darling baby.  Meanwhile, I have two little ones who live in the same city as I do, and spending time with them is a priority.  And finally, daughter Sara is expecting right around Christmas, and son Phil's wife is due 6 weeks later.  Both of these babies are "firsts", so I have baby quilts that need to be finished (well, they actually have to be started!). 

Dad - My elderly dad lives next door to me, and I try to visit him just to talk, and help with things he needs.  He's 89, and he loves to come over for a meal (if I ever cook!) and I'm very fortunate to have him so close.

Writing...I haven't had much time for it!  While I still have thoughts run through my head, I can't seem to get all my work done (I still live in a home with a lot to take care of) and get to all I need to do.  If you write to me, please be patient, and I'll try to reply.  This all is very demanding to work and keep up with everything.  I don't know how others do it when they have family and kids at home.  

Soulforce announces new executive director: Rev. Dr. Cindi Love

An exciting event at Soulforce is the announcement of its new EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, the Rev. Dr. Cindi Love!

(article from the Soulforce website):

Rev. Dr. Cindi Love begins her new duties as Executive Director for USA based nonprofit, SOULFORCE, Inc. on April 22, 2010. Throughout its 12-year history, SOULFORCE has used the principles and practices of Mohandas Gandhi's and Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King's relentless nonviolent resistance and direct action to bring attention to and achieve freedom from religious and political oppression of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning people.

Founded by Rev. Dr. Mel White and Gary Nixon in 1998, the first gathering of the SOULFORCE community of volunteers was held in 1999 to protest the anti-gay rhetoric of Rev. Jerry Falwell. Soulforce Equality Riders are currently on a 16-city tour across the south, northeast, and midwest of the USA to bring a message of hope and affirmation to students at colleges with oppressive policies toward LGBTQ students. In July 2010, SOULFORCE will attend the 219th Presbyterian Church (USA) General Assembly and bring its unique witness for truth and justice to the voting members and other attendees.

Dr. Cindi Love brings a wide range of leadership, management and organizational experience to her new role as SOULFORCE's Executive Director. From January 2005 until April 2009, she served as the Executive Director of the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches (MCC). Prior to MCC, she served as an Executive Dean in the third largest community college system in the United States, as a Senior Executive of The Toro Company (NYSE:TTC) and CEO and Founder of several award winning corporations, including one named to the INC 500 in 1990. In 1990, Dr. Love was named one of the "Top 50 Entrepreneurs" in North America by Inc. Magazine, the Young Entrepreneur's Organization, and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Dr. Love is the creator of the Would Jesus Discriminate? campaign and author of a book by the same name.

"I am really excited that Dr. Cindi Love has accepted the call to serve as Executive Director of SOULFORCE," said the Reverend Dr. Mel White, co-founder of SOULFORCE. "She is the ideal person to continue to lead our non-violent struggle to end misuse of scripture and religion to discriminate against God's LGBTQ children."

Chuck Phelan, Chair of the Board of SOULFORCE said, "As SOULFORCE transitions from its entrepreneurial stage of development, we are delighted to have Dr. Love in this crucial position of leadership. She brings a unique sensitivity to the issues facing both the LGBTQ rights and civil rights movements. She fully embraces the essential need to engage people in understanding the intersectionality of oppression, particularly within the context of organized religion and its contributions to institutionalized and systemic racism, heterosexism, classism and sexism."

Rev. Gil Caldwell, member of the SOULFORCE Advisory Board, said, "I am convinced as never before that the nation, faith community and beyond needs SOULFORCE! The alienation between and among persons for racial, gender, sexual orientation, political, religious, regional, class, age and other reasons is as great today as I have seen in my 76 years. I am thrilled to hear that Soulforce is committed to challenge anti-black racism as an important component of the fulfillment of its mission. We welcome Rev. Dr. Love to this work and to our SOULFORCE community of activists." Rev. Caldwell is a retired United Methodist Minister who participated in the "Mississippi Freedom Summer" of 1964, the Selma to Montgomery March in 1965, and the March on Washington.

I'm glad to say that I've gotten to know Cindi in a small way. I respect her work as a leader in faith, business, and an innovator in advocacy. Her book and campaign, "Would Jesus Discriminate?" was the inspiration for a song by Ray (Boltz) called, "Who would Jesus love?" I look forward to working more with her by way of Soulforce!

Soulforce Regrets to Announce the Resignation of its Executive Director

The following e-mail announcement was made yesterday, November 10, 2009. I will miss Jeff Lutes as the executive director of Soulforce, and welcome the interim (and acting executive director) successor. That person is Bill Carpenter, who has a long history with Soulforce and equal rights activism among Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender/Queer/Questioning folk.

I want to thank Jeff publicly for being an example of love, faith, and family, as he has worked to share with the religious people the truth about being gay and Christian. His leadership and generous live is obvious, and I commend him for all that he's done.

Many heartfelt thanks to Jeff for his service to Soulforce.



Soulforce Regrets to Announce the Resignation of Our Executive Director
Brief Video of Jeff Lutes


A Message from Soulforce Co-Founder Mel White:

Soulforce regrets to announce the resignation of our Executive Director, Jeff Lutes, after nearly four years of dedicated service. Jeff has chosen at this time to return to his family counseling practice in Austin, Texas, and to spend more quality time with his husband, Gary Stein, and their three young children, Niko, Trei, and Jole'. You may stay in touch with Jeff at www.jefflutespsychotherapy.com.

The Soulforce board of directors has appointed Bill Carpenter, who has served as Director of National Actions for many years, as Interim Executive Director. Bill will work with Soulforce staff to continue operations of the organization, including the upcoming Equality Ride in early 2010. Bill has a long history of service to Soulforce, since our very first action in Lynchburg, Virginia in 1999, and I'm grateful to him for taking this role at an important time in Soulforce history. I believe he is uniquely qualified to serve as Interim Executive Director while we undertake a nationwide search for the next Executive Director of Soulforce.

In January 2006, Jeff succeeded me as Executive Director of Soulforce. We are grateful for all he has accomplished in his time as Soulforce Executive Director. Here are a few examples:

* Organized nonviolent direct actions in 2005 and 2006 outside the world headquarters of Focus on the Family. Those protests clearly demonstrated the tragic consequences of James Dobson and his antigay rhetoric and are featured in the films For The Bible Tells Me So and SoleJourney, both distributed by First Run Features.
* Originated the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference in 2007 which exposed the misinformation campaign of Exodus International and spoke clearly to the damage being done by its ex-gay ministries across the country. The conference brought 200 survivors of ex-gay ministries together from all around the world for healing and empowerment. This much needed event received coverage on NPR and media outlets across the country, including CNN's Paula Zahn.
* Created The American Family Outing in 2008 which took dozens of LGBT couples and their children to dialogue with mega-church leaders Rick Warren, Joel Osteen, Bill Hybels, Bishop T.D. Jakes, Bishop Harry Jackson, and Bishop Eddie Long.
* Originated Seven Straight Nights for Equal Rights which created rallies and vigils in 2007 and 2008 by heterosexual allies in 38 cities in 28 different states across the country.
* Wrote the popular Soulforce booklets What the Science Says - And Doesn't Say - About Homosexuality, and A False Focus on My Family.
* Produced Dear Dr. Dobson: An Open Letter Video , the DVD that challenges the antigay rhetoric of James Dobson and warns of its tragic consequences in the lives of LGBT people, their friends and families.
* Managed Soulforce during the birth of our young adults program, Soulforce Q, and the first three Equality Rides.
* Strengthened the reputation of Soulforce through countless print, radio and television interviews and by speaking at dozens of churches, universities and rallies around the country.

Jeff Lutes has led Soulforce through challenging times and we are grateful. Jeff will continue to write and speak powerfully about the role of relentless nonviolent resistance in our struggle against religion-based oppression. Again, we thank Jeff for his role in strengthening Soulforce and for modeling in his own life what it means to be a man of faith committed to doing justice on behalf of all those who suffer religion-based oppression.

- Mel White, Soulforce Co-Founder
November, 2009

Brief Video of Jeff Lutes

Ally and Advocate for Gay rights: Changing the World

I want to address exactly why I am involved with gay rights, and specifically with Soulforce. I've been questioned directly through e-mails, criticized in some blogs, and even wondered at by my brother-in-law. He just doesn't understand how I can be supportive of gay rights, when "they" have such "sinful ways," as well as the hurt I have been through. Why wouldn't I be against gay rights? I want to give some answers.

First of all, I do NOT hold to the idea that being gay is a sin. It is a sexual orientation, a preference for emotional and physical intimacy. Being gay is not a choice, and like everyone, we should all be thankful for our gifts and God-given origins.

There is so much discrimination against GLBTQs, and most of it is based on religion. As a Christian, I believe that Jesus showed us how to love others as we love ourselves, and I think that should include loving those who have been rejected by our churches. He said, "By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love one toward another." I believe in practicing that, and I DO have to practice over and over, because I sometimes (often) fail. Still it is my goal to show and live in the spirit of love.

Since I believe in loving others, it is only natural that I stand up with those who are also standing, and some might not even be able to stand. I'm standing for them until they can stand up too.

And then there is the very personal side...Having been married for over 30 years to Ray, I had a very loving and happy life. Some have even called it a "fairy tale," but it surely was a rags-to-riches story of Horatio Alger proportions. Ray wrote songs that were loved by others, yet the listeners never knew the heart of the writer. I loved that man, and he loved me as well as a gay man could. Ray was a good father, and he loved his kids. I never felt un-loved and I never was disrespected.

When Ray came out, it wasn't with a plan. He had not lived a double life, and the depression he was experiencing was nearly suicidal. As we talked in the days, weeks, and months following, the path did not show itself easily. I prayed for answers, but I knew Ray had prayed his entire life for a solution. It had not come, and as much as I prayed for "just THIS one" to be supernaturally changed from gay to straight, I realized that there was no good solution to the problem: Ray is gay, and I'm not. This I also knew: We had had a good life, and we loved each other.

Questions that I asked of God were rampant in those early times. Prayers were continual. Nightmares were awful. Often my thoughts swirled through my head wondering the purpose of it all - How could God, who knew Ray through and through, and knew ME through and through, have put us together for this to be the way we ended?

Finally, by connecting with blogs, books, and internet sites, I started to reach out to others who understood. I found Peterson, Christine Bakke, and I also found Soulforce. I read the "Letters to Dr. Dobson," and the story told by Mary Lou Wallner. I began to understand that gay folk are just the same as straights, and that the cause of gay rights was active and getting louder. My new friends were supportive, loving and a help to me! I wanted to get involved so that my voice could be heard, and my body would stand on the front lines for Equality for all!

In addition to realizing that there were untruths that had been told me in the church about gay people, I saw the exclusion and rejection that was prevalent in every church I'd ever gone to. I understood what it had been like for someone like Ray to be told they were un-saveable, unacceptable to God, and doomed for life as well as in death. What hope could they have? I changed, and I wanted to make changes. I wanted to be a voice to correct the lies that are told every day in fundamentalist churches.

These days, it is not for my rights that I participate with Soulforce. It is for the RIGHT thing to do! There are so many people, and I hear from them, who are in jobs that they could loose because it's still legal (in many states) to fire people who are openly gay/lesbian. Equal Rights don't exist for GLBTQs for marriage, adoption, or to protect them from hate crimes. There are mixed-orientation marriages taking place, where heartache is either evident or looming in the future. There are gay people who are in Christian churches (and other religious groups) being told that they can pray the gay away if they marry a good spouse. Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Trans/Queer and Questioning people are feeling self-hate and church rejection because of the untruths that are spread by way of the churches that they love. Suicides are happening because GLBTQs feel that they have no hope!

To END ALL THESE THINGS, I am an ally for change! To END ALL THESE THINGS, I am standing for the truth!

I've been questioned this way: Aren't you too defensive of Ray? If it hadn't been for Ray, would you have been standing up on behalf of gay rights? My answer is, "No. If it hadn't happened to someone I love, I would never have understood." (read here, where I address that question more thoroughly.)

So it is with a LOT of personal reasons I put myself in the middle of Equality Rights. I entered this without a plan myself, but I found myself having to grow and learn. These days I have one. I'm doing all I can to support those affected by the issues of GLBTQs as well as the families connected to them. I hope to be a voice of reason as well as a voice of love. I know I've had to change, and I hope I can change the world.

Connecting with Straight Spouse Network, Soulforce BoD, Beyond Ex-gay

It's been nearly four and a half years since my then-husband came out to me and our four kids. The shock and awe I felt was beyond words, but I did a couple things right away. One of them was to read the book, "Stranger at the Gate," and I googled the name of the author, Mel White. In my searches I found Straight Spouse Network,and I read the book by Amity Pierce Buxton, "The Other Side of the Closet." I found the blog of Peterson Toscano, and I began to glimpse something other than what I'd been taught in church: gay and Christian were not impossible! Peterson teamed with Christine Bakke to start the online support called BEYOND EX-GAY.

All these resources were critical in my finding my way out of the incorrect view that being gay was a choice. I'm still not sure which ones had the most influence, but I appreciate and value each one.

Recently I was asked to serve on the Board of Directors of Soulforce, and I gladly accepted. This organization was co-founded by Mel White and Gary Nixon. The mission of Soulforce is to work through nonviolent direct action to bring about the end of religious and political oppression of GLBTQ people. I'm proud of the work they are doing, and I'm very pleased to come alongside so many committed people to bring about important change.

While I was in Austin recently, for my first meeting with the Board, I got an e-mail from Janet at Straight Spouse Network, informing me that I'd been added on their blogroll. Their blog was launched about the same time as I started this one, and it's really fantastic. Ms. Buxton (Amity) has studied and influenced so many who find themselves in mixed-orientation marriages, and she's tirelessly (well, she probably does get tired, but she keeps going!) works to bring attention to these straight spouses. I'm honored that Janet added my blog to their list.

If you are a straight spouse of a gay or lesbian person, I urge you to try to get informed. There are helps out there, and I am so happy to support both Straight Spouse Network, Soulforce, and Beyond Ex-gay. Check them out.

Update from Texas

I'm in New Braunfels, Texas, this week, where there is a heat wave with temperatures in, as they say on the radio, "triple digits." Then they say, "at least there's a breeze." So you take the bad with the good, right? But gosh, it is HOT! This whole town is built on recreation in and around Schlitterbahn Water Park, and the two rivers, the Comal and the Guadalupe, where folks come to cool in the spring-fed water, float along in tubes, and generally escape HEAT.

My dear sister, Donna, lives here, and she's been a great support to me since my husband came out to me. Being over 1000 miles apart, it's great when I get to see her and spend some time, other than to have a wedding to throw, a new baby to take care of, or other busy family event that takes our time. This trip, I've introduced her to several friends from Soulforce, we attended Austin Metropolitan Community Church on Sunday, and made a trip to the Alamo. I also got to spend time with my niece and her family, take a dip in the neighborhood pool, and have lunch today with my nephew in Houston. It's an enjoyable time - even though outside it's terribly uncomfortable outside.

Now to the reason that I am down here in June, in Texas. Just down the road in Austin, is the main office of Soulforce, and I have accepted an appointment to serve on the Board of Directors. We had two days of meetings last weekend as I joined the other members, Jeff Lutes, Chuck Phelan, Bill Carpenter, Mel White, Gary Nixon, Karen Ball, Julie Nemecek, Enzi Tanner, Phil Reitan, and Paul Egertson. I hope I'm up to the task, and that I can offer meaningful support to this organization that I support and believe in so much.

Update: Here's my bio on the Soulforce site! http://www.soulforce.org/article/1542

The Amazing Race! Mel White and Mike White - starting Feb. 15, 2008

Mel White is one of my heroes. His book, "Stranger at the Gate," began to affect my way of viewing gay people, way back in January, 2005. Because he shared his life through this book, I began to realize that people could be gay and Christian. Mel founded an organization called Soulforce, which works for the rights and the acceptance of gay and lesbian people. Mel White helped me, and I love and admire him for that.

Today I got an exciting update from Soulforce! Mel and his son, Mike White, are going to be contestants on The Amazing Race, which is one of my favorite TV shows! Mike wrote the movie, "School of Rock," and he played the character, Ned Schneebly. How cool that they are going to team up for The Amazing Race!


This is what I copied from SOULFORCE:

We are thrilled to announce that our founder, the Rev. Dr. Mel White, will compete in the 14th addition of the CBS program, The Amazing Race!

Video of Mel White and his son, Mike, on the Amazing RaceMel and his son, Mike, a successful screenwriter whose writing credits include the feature films Nacho Libre and School of Rock, joined together to participate in this once in a lifetime experience -- spanning 40,000 miles and nine countries in just 22 days!

The Amazing Race premiers on CBS on Sunday, February 15, at 8pm ET/PT. Tell your friends and mark your calendars!

Go Team Soulforce!

For more information, go to
www.cbs.com/primetime/amazing_race

Equality Ride

Tonight, Jan. 17, there is going to be a program on the LOGO channel, called Equality U. This is a documentary about the Equality Ride, which has gone to Christian colleges and military schools, where students can be dismissed or expelled just for being gay. If you don't get the LOGO channel, which I don't, you can watch it streaming online, here: http://www.logoonline.com/video/?id=1602603&vid=332444.



In the spring of 2007 I was privileged to participate for the first time with Soulforce. To do so I drove about 5 hours to Grand Rapids, Michigan where I would be a small part of the Equality Ride. I'd read about it the year before, and sent a small donation to support Kara Speltz. Now the bus was going to be at two Christian colleges that were within driving distance of my home. I made the contacts with someone that I was coming - and I was stepping out for the first time to make myself part of the cause of equal rights.

Going up there I was not even sure what to expect. It was pretty vague what I'd be able to do, and I'd only read the accounts on the Soulforce website. I had no idea if other non-riders were going to be there, and I was still flying under the radar, not yet letting anyone know that I was going to stand up for gay rights!

In 2007 the Equality Ride was made up mostly of college-aged people, and here I was, mid-fifties! I was welcomed, but was definitely not very connected. The first evening, at Calvin College, I got to meet and talk with some of the Riders, and I knew their names and profiles from the Soulfoce website. I'd been getting postcard updates and could connect some of the names - and this was all good.

When I approached Cornerstone University, I was driving my own car. The plan was to have a candlelight vigil on a sidewalk along a busy road, and the Riders were let out on their bus. For me, I had to find a place to park. I tried using a parking lot close by, but was approached by Campus Security, with a flashlight, and asked, "Are you with this group, Soulforce?" When I answered, "yes," the officer told me, "You are not allowed to park here." I felt dismissed in a very small way, but knew that if I was there, on campus, as a parent, or even as a visitor, I'd never have been met by any kind of security, much less be told to move my car. I found a local side street and walked to the vigil site.

As we stood in a line of prayer, the candles were easily blown out by the wind. When they went out, we'd re-light them. Small points of light and fire in both the candles and the Riders. Still, in the dark, gradually some Cornerstone students began to call out, and in small groups they came, just to talk. I heard them talk about classes and about books they were reading. I heard them tell where they were from, and they began to talk about why they were there. Students had been "warned" that the bus was coming, and told not to talk with the Riders lest they be swayed to the "other side." But I also heard as some exchanged names and smiles. It was a start of communicating who each of them are - just people, and not from either "side."

The next morning I stood again in the same spot in broad daylight. It was windy, cold, and misting, and we wore emergency ponchos to try to stay warm. In the daylight mostly "official" Cornerstone faculty/administration/staff came out and it appeared that they were there to make sure that students did not approach the Equality Riders.

Throughout the morning we stood outside on the hill, praying, talking to whoever came forward, and encouraging everyone involved that God loves us all, no matter if one is gay or straight.

Eventually some of the Equality Riders stepped forward to present a literal "cornerstone." It was a stone they had made, with words of equality etched in. As the police handcuffed and arrested the young Equality Riders, I was never more proud to be standing with them.

For me, this was a start of something I had come to believe in. Personally, I have never felt the unkind words, the fear, the name-calling, or the shame for being gay. But I was PROUD to be there, in the wind, in the dark, and on the outside of the campus, alongside young people, gay and straight alike, asking for dialogue, asking to be included in Christian fellowship.

Now I am even more "out there," as I try to stand up for the rights of all and the inclusion of all. Be sure to watch this LOGO documentary, and share it with others.